T O P

Does anyone else literally get physically sick to their stomach when they see a message from your parent and afraid to even open it because you don’t know what it’s going to say.

Does anyone else literally get physically sick to their stomach when they see a message from your parent and afraid to even open it because you don’t know what it’s going to say.

alexandra-99

100% yes


ASHLEYbashley89

It’s so mentally and physically draining


alexandra-99

I purposely made it so I don’t receive notifications from their texts so that I can intentionally look at messages if I’m in the headspace for it, but otherwise I don’t have to deal with it. I highly recommend it if it’s a possibility for you


ASHLEYbashley89

Said parent does it the most on Snapchat … I should just delete them but then that will cause an even bigger issue.


alexandra-99

You could tell them you decided to delete Snapchat as a whole and then just delete them? But there is a way to mute people on Snapchat


thouartme

Not sure how much this helps but you can mute message notifications from individual people on Snapchat, and clear the conversation from your messaging list so that you don’t have to still see it.


serendipitywood

Curious why you talk with your parent on Snapchat ? :)


Willing_University95

yes this is what i do. if my nDad catches me in the wrong headspace it can ruin my whole day. i need to mentally prepare to read his messages


MountainToC

100% yes My stomach flip flops, my heart races, and my head goes whoosh.


ASHLEYbashley89

And I don’t know how to not feel that way 😭😭


SnooSongs6968

Same here! I wish I didn’t feel this way


MountainToC

Me neither. But I’ve stopped reading the texts, emails, and messages so those feelings last only seconds now instead of hours/days. You’re not alone, though I doubt that offers much consolation.


narcabusesurvivor18

Yup. To anyone who feels this way: I don’t know what bigger sign you need to go NC. It’s neon and flashing. You wouldn’t tolerate this with a close friend or anyone else. Society’s stigma about “everyone in the family must stay together” even if it means you lose your sanity and they walk all over you is ridiculous nonsense.


serendipitywood

this ^^^ I know it’s scary but start putting yourself first OP. You and your health deserves it


pancakemonkey21

I swear if these people were my friends I would have bolted YEARS ago


seijurou_chan

Ah, i wish I'm not living in a moslem majority country.


SnooSongs6968

I thought I was the only one. sometimes I don’t want to respond to any text from my nmom because it’s a question about when I’m going to visit her, but my nmom will call me instead after if I don’t respond within the day so I dread responding. My SO says that I’m scared of my nmom and tells me I need confidence to say no when I really don’t want to see my nmom


asemuktub

Phone calls especially.


ashlyrind7

You know its gonna be along the lines of "oh hey! Just wanted to remind you I own you, and if you dont believe it then gaslighting should do the trick! Also before I go, remember that I own you."


redorangeyellowflick

Holy shit yes


lilabearrr

Every. Single. Time.


Tersaldi

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. A thousand times yes. Even now, almost 5 years after I ran away, I still get panic attacks and nausea when I think of them or the messages they left me in the aftermath of my escape. It’s not something I would ever want to experience again.


ASHLEYbashley89

It’s such a terrible feeling I swear 🥺


HappyBi-cycle

I don't read them anymore. The grossest one was when my dad referenced a LinkedIn article I shared on the site about kindness and empathy in leadership and twisted it into me being a horrible grudge holding hypocrite for refusing to live my so called values and let th back in my life. I blocked all my relatives on LinkedIn after that. I felt so violated by his words and distortion. I still feel sick thinking about that one. My husband will sometimes in case there's something we actually need to know like if NGrandpa died. I just can't/won't with them anymore. They are SO awful and just want to inflict enough hurt to control and beat me again. I can't disown them enough. If only the nightmares about them would stop.


ASHLEYbashley89

This is terrible, I’m sorry. Hopefully those boundaries continue to help !


Mulletgt

For me it’s more “now what the fuck do they want?”


ASHLEYbashley89

It’s literally so frustrating


vipoffers

Yes and that's why I eventually blocked them. The back and forth was keeping me stuck. I had to learn to put myself first and cut them off because they were blocking me from success. Do what's best for you, love. Keep shining!


pancakemonkey21

Messages yes to some extent. But if I ever get a phone call from them my blood freezes over.


ASHLEYbashley89

I’m not opposite because if it’s a phone call then I can just ignore it and don’t have to worry about anything being sad. But when it’s a message I literally have so much anxiety about what it might say


pancakemonkey21

Yeah that makes sense. Personally, I know if i don't answer their phone they will call until I do or until they see me in person again and then scream at me for not answering.


Worldly-Jellyfish-88

This is why I have her blocked, my anxiety can't take it


sexydeadbitch

my dads ringtone is the imperial march and his contact name is “uh oh”…… yeah


lmtdply18

Hahaha my moms is, 'hell nawww, to the naw naw nawww, hell to the naw'


sexydeadbitch

LMFAOOOO honestly i should change it to that, the imperial march is anxiety inducing on its own lol


NerdyGirlLoves

Ugh I can’t put mine as the imperial March… I’d ruin one of my favourite Star Wars themes.


MomOfAMob

YES!! Luckily mine clearly doesn’t care enough about me to reach out it seems, so since going NC 8 months ago I’ve only had to see one email.


MKApex

Yeah. They can't be helped and it pains me even more. We all have a desire and none of us will get what we want because narcissists cannot operate like normal people. Maybe they become self aware and help themselves, maybe they don't.


amymonae

Not anymore. I switched a lot between NC and LC and now I control when I’m available to her or not, not the other way around. There was a time though where I did not have a clue about setting boundaries and I was scared about getting those voicemails 🥴


Minkybips

A feeling of dread, because she only seems to contact me to give bad news or change plans at the last minute. Example: last two texts: Your (favourite uncle) has died The cat isn't eating, very worried, vets, blood tests etc


lauralovesjohn

Yes


Huge-Advantage-7911

Yes. I loose hair, get headaches, gastritis, nausea.. all of these if i was with them talking


NerdyGirlLoves

It’s just as nauseating when you know what’s in the message.


mjaldir

A thousand times yes! I just joined hoping someone will understand my situation and this is the first thing I see. So validating. I have cut contact and blocked the number and it relieved so much anxiety for me.


ASHLEYbashley89

I need to get to this point too


mjaldir

It’s not easy, I definitely recommend therapy while going through it, but it was completely worth it in my case. Another thing I learned was that when one door closes another opens. I’ve reconnected with my brothers (she would deliberately come between us) and it’s been lovely focusing my energy on building a relationship with them instead of having her drain all of it. You might be pleasantly surprised of where you can redirect that energy. Best of luck to you from the bottom of my heart.


Messydarkhealer

Yes. I felt more sick, when i saw a message from my dad (who i had not talk to for 5 months) when i was in labour. He was asking if i had his 3rd grandson yet. I didnt want to heard from him till he apologizes for comments he made about my 2nd son. He never apologized. What made it worse, they showed up at my house a day after giving birth, wanted me to play host. They lived 9 hours away. Alot of anxiety that week.


ASHLEYbashley89

Oh my! That was probably so frustrating 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️


Messydarkhealer

It was. I couldnt breastfeed in peace, i got told im being antisocial if i go into the bedroom to do it or disgusting, making my dad uncomfortable if i feed baby in front of them. They got a hotel in the town and for a week, they were show up at the house random. I asked if they could at least , txt or call me when they plan to do that, so i could have a nap or fed him in peace. But their answer was that they were on hoilday, hoildays have no restriction.


serendipitywood

Yes. I was having panic attacks and crying at missed calls or a message. Totally unable to cope. The guilt I felt as well for saying, ‘no I’m not calling you back, I don’t have time to call you today, I’m busy, can you text me please?’ was very painful and would wreck me. I’m no contact now, and recently I got birthday cards hand posted to my apartment. I made the mistake of reading it and getting sucked right into the weird things she had written. Panic and anxiety set in and I was a mess again and triggered for at least a week. Incredible. Anyway, yes I struggle too :) you aren’t alone


ASHLEYbashley89

Sending huggs !!!!


redorangeyellowflick

I’m dealing with this now. I had to block my parents phone numbers. They can still contact me on fb messenger but they don’t know I blocked them. How do you cope?


renwizzle

My stomach drops


ASHLEYbashley89

It’s a terrible feeling


Elixxity

Absolutely. It's been almost a year since I moved abroad and cut contact with my nmom, but she still continues to contact me on an almost-monthly basis. As much as I've tried to move on, the prickles of anxiety are always there. I can't stop myself from looking either - I need to know that it's *just* another angry email, because in the back of my mind, I always fear the lengths she might go to to get me to talk to her again.


wicker_trees

i feel this way if i see a message from my mum. she texts me, so i just swipe the notification off of my lockscreen & forget about it. i dunno how many unread messages i have from her now & i don't really care to read them


ASHLEYbashley89

I need this mentality


staylily

Nah, I'm NC now so when I get the occasional one-way text message I just laugh at the attempted manipulation. It's actually good comedy haha


ASHLEYbashley89

At least you are getting humor out of it 😋


Powerful-River-1416

Yup. So exhausting.


Tiny-Ad-7440

Yes!! Thought I was the only one!


Willing_University95

yes. 1000% they’re always trying to start arguments with you and mentally wear you out. it’s exhausting


Few_Mammoth_5992

I totally resonate with this, the feeling is the worst. For me it’s not about figuring out how to not having that feeling but rather how I react immediately upon feeling it as if I am not mindful of the thoughts they can make me spiral. I really need to step away from the phone and decide if and when I want to read the message from NMother. If I can even just take 5 mins of deep breathing before and after reading I can usually lessen the trigger. A voicemail might send me for a loop but she hasn’t tried that yet….. she will though and that will be another tough day. Sending love to you all here as this bullshit is not fair and we shouldn’t have to be dealing with it but we are so I feel glad I’m not alone


ASHLEYbashley89

This is a good idea! But literally it’s all I can think about until I check it


blankusername18

Yep, every single time😭😭


REHTONA_YRT

My dad doesn’t bother to contact me unless he needs a menial task done, which I usually don’t do. So thankfully no.


Kshurt52

Oh hell yeah. 2 years no contact, any message is mean spirited or phony I love yous


ASHLEYbashley89

Hopefully you feel more at peace now !


texanlady1

Yes. I always assume it’s something very bad, like someone is dead and they decided to tell me via text.


nic_sleite

DEFINITELY!


Midas-toebeans

Absolutely. Bin


MioMine78

Only from my mom. Not so much my dad. If he rings or texts, something is genuinely going on that I need to know. He doesn’t call to yammer all about himself and then criticize me.


ASHLEYbashley89

Mine is the opposite.. my mother is a saint


tom_son_of_tom

That is why we are all here !


ThoughtCenter

Yesssssssssss. Sigh……..


KenChxT

Yes. When my dad calls my mom, The jaws theme song starts to play as the ringtone, And I physically get ill every single time.


Revin8

Yep. My Narc MIl will call and leave a message but never ever say what its about. So she can surprise you with her latest bullshit request or scheme or just to make you feel like crap. Recently temporarily moved and have not provided the address for fear they will knock on the door after not getting through on the phone. I and my partner feel literally terrorized.


drdougfresh

Yep, and this was the sign I needed to go NC.


AlpacaQueen1990

I used to absolutely! My heart would physically hurt


mcp36

Yes! This was the topic of my last therapy session.


Far-Supermarket3698

Absolutely. I know the message will most likely ruin my day and dread waking up to and reviewing messages. Also-- the sound of the garage door opening. It means my mom is home and my time is done.


redorangeyellowflick

My heart starts pounding and I start feeling extremely anxious


Cyberpunk213

Nope. I’ve blocked all contact with my remaining parent and whenever he somehow is able to get through, I just laugh and block him again. Ain’t nobody got time for that. lol