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Asked nmom to only communicate via email. It’s been 4+ months since my last email (2nd photo) that she hasn’t responded to but I get these texts. WHY!? It’s messing with my head.

Asked nmom to only communicate via email. It’s been 4+ months since my last email (2nd photo) that she hasn’t responded to but I get these texts. WHY!? It’s messing with my head.

brunbruin

She's deliberately pushing your boundary. And love bombing. Ignore.


dumbmedfacts

oh man, this is textbook love-bombing- you're so right! Thank you for the insight. Only a matter of time before her lovebombs turn into victimization again, I'm sure.


sakasaka710

I thought the hedgehog was dead for some reason. I was like, "what sick game is she playing?!"


StrannaPearsa

Shes trying to manipulate you into answering her and crossing your own boundary. If you cross it then it must not exist and she can do as she likes, right? Its an effort in acting like nothing happened so she feels like she still has control. As hard as it is i recommend treating her texts like spam and if you open them you'll be letting a virus onto your phone.


dumbmedfacts

You are so right, thank you! That's exactly what she's doing - trying to pretend like nothing happened so she doesn't have to take accountability for how she's treated me. I just don't understand how they can act like nothing is wrong; it's maddening. Appreciate your feedback.


StrannaPearsa

They act like nothing is wrong because if they acknowledge the problem they have to take accountability for the fact that they are the problem. For them their ego must think that they are in the right. They can't handle self reflection without breaking down. They have to be the best and the one in control. They cannot handle any feeling of even possible inferiority. They camt truly admit to being wrong. That's why they throw in so many vague statements. "Well nobody's perfect. Everyone makes mistakes." Without actually naming a specific mistake. It helps to look at the mental disorder for what it is. If nothing else so you can anticipate them easier and let it roll off you. But not so much as to pity them too much. Because they are still who they are and some part of them does know how they treat people. The disorder just makes it easier for them to justify and deflect. It is not an excuse for abuse and intentional lack of awareness.


dumbmedfacts

It must be a sad existence to lack the self-awareness that they can't even apologize/hold themselves accountable to their own children. Makes a lot more sense now that nmom couldn't keep friends while I was growing up. She always made it seem like family/friend problems were because of the other party and it's been eye-opening seeing all of this and her in a new light over the past 1.5 years.


Vompirate

Off topic but was Love You Forever one of the books you read as a kid? The last text from her with the "my baby you'll be" is basically a direct quote from it. I saw it and it made my blood go cold bc nmom read it to me and liked to creepily sing the little lullaby from the book that includes that line as a love bombing strategy. 😬😬😬 If not ignore this but if so what a weird commonality 😅


dumbmedfacts

YES - good eye! My nmom is OBSESSED with the book Love You Forever. I find it so creepy too and it feels like she only sees me as "her baby" and not a 30+ adult who is capable of independent thought. Man, they really all are the same! It's nice to comisserate but also sorry that you "get it".


Samtastic133

Narcs love infantilizing their prey.


Vompirate

I'm glad it wasn't just me 😅😅😅 Mine made up her own melody to sing that part to and everything, as a child.i enjoyed it but now as an adult I find it creepy and unnerving 😬 I'm NC but I still hear it in my head. I'm sorry that's happening with your nmom, it's such a mind fuck.


dumbmedfacts

Yikes that is awful! It's really unfortunate that we can't erase some memories so we don't have to relive these moments.


macaroni_inapot420

SAME EVERYTHING YOU SAID SAME omfg.


FairLogical

Block her number.


liliesandpeeperfrogs

I really like your email. You summed up how I feel in a manner that was much more eloquent than I could ever write. Pretty much everything you wrote could also be applied to my relationship with Nmom, including the talking about me to others so that they think I'm awful. Their loss though, because I am a good person!


dumbmedfacts

Thank you for your kind words and YOU are a good person! Their loss, indeed. I hate how easy it is for others to believe them over us, though. I have to remind myself that I'm a good person, too. It's upsetting how hard they work to turn everyone against us to protect their own egos instead of just... you know... trying to be better.


liliesandpeeperfrogs

Agreed. It's pretty crappy. I am always telling myself that if my siblings/dad/extended family are just going to go along with Nmom because "you know how she is", even though it hurts me (and often them too), and act like they don't know what I'm talking about, or if they blindingly believe what she's saying instead of asking me about it, then I don't want people in my life who are like that anyway. I want people in my life who care about me, and who know me for who I really am.


dumbmedfacts

It's hard being the \*first\* one to stand up and say "enough! I am worth it and deserve more!" It's a lonely road but I've found my mental health has improved so much that there is no looking back and like you said, their loss! It's so nice to have this community to know we're not alone.


Frank_Avoidance

I hear you. I told mine not to call, text only (and only if absolutely necessary). So of course, every so often she calls me, and I decline the call. It’s delightful to be reminded that she can’t respect boundaries or follow even the most basic of instructions, in case I ever doubt that I’ve made the right call in limiting contact.


dumbmedfacts

So true, a clear reminder that they’re incapable of sticking with even the simplest of boundaries. How are they all the same!?!


Frank_Avoidance

Absolutely all the same. Fun fact, mine admitted ‘I’ve heard of boundaries but I don’t understand what they are’ and truer words have never been spoken.


macaroni_inapot420

Eewwwww what the fuck my mom used to text exactly like that and also quote that same line from that book!!!!! Wow I never realized how manipulative it was until now. Sorry you’re dealing with this as well.


_p4n1ck1ng_

My mom's the same way and it makes me so uncomfy


Sunflower_sweets

You’re allowing the boundary to be ignored by not putting her in her place nor making sure she knows that the punishment is, anyone who also ignored said boundaries should be told their punishment for doing so, example my mother tried to go this with my wedding, tried to get people to have me write a letter begging her to come. I stood my ground stating I sent an invitation and that’s was enough if she chose not to come then that’s her choice period. Anyone else who reached out trying to get me to do otherwise I simply told them no and if they continued to push they were welcome to decline and fuck off, it be doing my budget a favor. Then my mother through a tantrum and I put her in her place followed by my husband letting her know the door hasn’t changed it’s spot. She’s not been an issue since I don’t speak with her any longer.


Ashpinkinyourarea

Honest the picture with hedgehog is very disturbing o.o


ashlyrind7

Then block her on email. Throw the guilt down the garbage disposal and go about youre like. You know EXACTLY what she is trying to do


chiccana

Coz she didn’t and won’t be listening to u. Perhaps if you had asked her to message you, she would end up emailing you. Npeople just won’t do it your way.


dumbmedfacts

Should I text her to reply to my email or just keep ignoring the texts?


werbo0

Ignore. If she wanted to talk to you she would respect your wishes and email you. Maybe she’s trying to have power by going against what you asked?


dumbmedfacts

Yup - you're right! Why is it so hard for them to respect boundaries, even ones that are so small? Thanks for your insight.


werbo0

Np!


Agreeable-Ad5012

Gah, my nmom did the same stuff when I was in contact with her. Do something crappy— ignore it— try to lovebomb it away. When I went NC I blocked her number. I know she has likely attempted to send me a bunch of crap since then, but it’s SO much better for me not to see any of it. By letting all her garbage go out into the void, my anxiety can rest and I can keep my head more clear. Soo, in short— I’d highly recommend blocking :) you’re not responding to her texts, so you may as well not even have them mess with your head.


dumbmedfacts

You’re so right - it always upsets me when I see them, regardless if I don’t respond. Thanks and solidarity!