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My mom who I had a good relationship the last several years, went backwards, triggered the shit out of me and now I can't bring myself to see her, it's been nearly 10 months. (She was emotionally and physically abusive when I was a Child). More in comments.

My mom who I had a good relationship the last several years, went backwards, triggered the shit out of me and now I can't bring myself to see her, it's been nearly 10 months. (She was emotionally and physically abusive when I was a Child). More in comments.

stargalaxy6

Whenever someone gets passive aggressive with me like this, I get what I call “aggressive aggressive” (lol) so, Mom: Your right, it’s my fault, I guess I’m just always wrong! ME: Yes! You are! The best way to fix it is to recognize and do something about it! Mom: I just miss you and I’m sad. Me: Well, you’re the one who needs to be vaccinated soooo, 🤷‍♀️ YOU need to do something to fix this! DO NOT even try to call her out on anything! Just agree it is HER problem! I’m sorry that she’s being annoying! I’m sorry that she’s made you ill. Time for you to prioritize YOUR health! Good Luck


Ashes1534

Thank you! And that's actually what my husband keeps telling me ... just don't even participate.


ashlyrind7

Listen, I really thinks its time to cut her off. My Ndad would pull stuff like this. But then my childhood was a nightmare filled with punches and violent sexual abuse. I went to the hospital at 13 for a heart attack. I became a drug addicted so i coould numb his abise. Point is, if she has done this to your health plus everything elze, why push ypurself to keep a parasite in your life? A parasite that only wishez to feed off your light? In college after 5 years NC my dad showed up. I yelled why.are you here. We fought. Finally I just said, "dad, if you ever loved me, you would apologize to me right now." He looked at me. He laughed. And said "goodbye ashley". Once you get that rwalization that the emotional connection was never real, you realize their just....pathetic.? Really you couldnt say 2 words to be with me? You need to rid your mom. And prob by asking her a queStion you know the answer to to make it easier to block. It's up to you. But from my side, you literally breathe, amd you forgot how good it could feel to just, breathe


Ashes1534

I have the same experience with my Dad. I just don't get bothered by him.. he's an overt narc for 💯 percent sure and I've already completely emotionally kinda shut down to him. I cut him off for years and now he knows better, like he shows me respect because he finally realized, that NO he's not entitled to have me in his life, I make that decision. My mom and me have had horrible times though.. then (maybe when she knew I didn't need her) she apologized for all of her shit and got better. That lasted maybe 4ish years fully, then the pandemic happened, she stopped working and went full speed ahead into the dark side. I'm not sure if my post about it is on this board or not but it was really bad. I haven't stopped regurgitation of bad childhood memories with her ever since. It's almost like my brain switched it all back into overdrive to remind me and then screamed - "what the actual fuck!?" She also loves to pull the - I don't remember that happening card. I guess we all see it differently as we grow old enough to have our own children.. it then becomes more horrifying in a way. I now am like in aw that I went through what I did and somehow came out who I am. They can't ever be sorry if they refuse therapy, refuse to actually fully take responsibility and respect your damn boundaries.. like her knowing i have C-ptsd caused by my childhood including HER and then knowing what triggering it does to me argh. So frustrating. I had a therapist tell me years ago she was definitely likely borderline and covert and that this would happen..I should have listened.


ashlyrind7

Listen you have nothing to feel bad or sorry about if you wanted to give them the other chance. Guess what. You cant help it! Thats how narcs work. They know exactly how to play your brain, mainly through guilt. You are right about when you have children. Its a different perspective. You start to see things clearly. I urge you so never talk to her again. But thats up to you. A good thing to ask is, would you ever trust her alone witj your children? The answer to that may change everything. But one thing is for sure...you would be free. And safe, finally


Ashes1534

Oh I didn't have children.. what I meant was I'm old enough to do so and I have nieces and nephews .. I look at them and just couldn't imagine hurting them like that. Me and my husband basically were like no, we wouldn't trust her with our kid if we had wanted children. This is really bad because before this he had only heard stories of my childhood but never seen her act this way, he was completely under the impression that she was herself a victim of generational trauma, it wasn't her fault what she put me through and she had changed - they were actually really close. He was totally on her side, then he saw her treat me horribly and has been like bye bitch ever since. We now call her monster in law as way to reference that she's kinda gone.


bs1114

Mann this makes me so sad because it reminds me of my mother. I’m sorry OP it looks like you’ve really tried to bend over backwards to make plans and if she wants to pull out her petty card than so be it. It’s a much bigger reflection of her than you. Take care of yourself, you’re the most important one❤️


Ashes1534

I ended up getting her medical marijuana and mailing it to her.. she said thank you and not much else. Why do we always feel a guilt inside if we don't continue to try?!? Dumb childhood brainwashing lol


bs1114

Ahh what freaking emotional whiplash!! Narcs genuinely terrify me for this reason how they can just jump back and forth so easily as if nothing ever happened but then make YOU feel like you’re the crazy one 😵‍💫 hug your inner child extra tight and remind them that you’ve got them now, they’re safe❤️


Ashes1534

Thank you ❤️


Ashes1534

Her regression triggered me so much I was sick with chronic health conditions that flared up horribly for months, I started having nightmares and flashbacks again, it was just... BAD She doesn't understand what she did wrong (or seem to have any respect anymore that I have C-ptsd). She has stayed passive aggressive, played the victim so on and so fourth. The thought of seeing her makes me wanna crawl into a cave. I almost feel like I'm mourning the loss of the few good years we had because she has gone back to the dark side and I know that means there can really be no version of a healthy relationship with her. It's a terrible feeling. I'm still trying to process and not feel guilty for setting my boundaries. Any tips here are greatly appreciated.


trippingWetwNoTowel

The tip you don’t want to hear is; grey rock. Grey rock like your fucking life depends on it. Getting into all of these specifics plays right into her hand, because now she has your attention and it doesn’t matter for what reason she has it- your attention is the thing she’s after, so she’s already winning and you’re over here trying to have an argument in good faith. Just grey rock. And if you feel like this applies - work on acceptance. Accepting what you can’t change, accepting that your parent is never going to be the parent you want or need, and accepting things as they are (which is dysfunctional).


Ashes1534

I had to do this with my dad.. it took me a seriously long time to get to a point that I don't think he could do a single thing to bother me at this point. It's just so difficult because with her, she's covert, so you're left so mind fucked and not knowing what was basically real and what was a lie.


trippingWetwNoTowel

yea with my covert nex wife the mind fuck came when I realized there was no truth/lie/reality/mask with her…. I was both the actor and the audience in her sick little play. Just grey rock and trust nothing she says, ever. Anytime you do, you’ll pay.


Ashpinkinyourarea

Yeah it seems like your mom only wants to see you when it's "convenient" for her and passive aggressive you when when you don't do what she wants, she hasn't changed but more put on better mask just so she gets what she wants I don't know for image or maybe because she so desperate someone to pay attention to her because she pushed everyone away


Ashes1534

I find it so odd to be jealous of my in laws. My niece and nephew were visiting, I sent a photo of us together and said look how cute they are, she wrote back saying "you and your new family look very happy together". Like that's Soo fucking weird.


Jellyrose-the-author

i’m lowkey starting to wonder if an old friend of mine was a CN because some of the stuff i see posted on here sets off anxiety due to the way she treated me too… huh.