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ashlyrind7

Yes this is sexual abuse. My dad did similiar things and the way he would word them made think it was normal so i never said anything. But just because he said things like "daddy has to do blah blah blah so relax" didnt mean i relaxed or immediatly thought it was ok because most times it hurt. When I was 14 I reported it and got away. If you still live there you can do that to. You may even go back forth in your head thinking stuff like "well idk maybe it wasnt that bad" because it was and its your own right to feel sucky about it vecause they made you think it was normal. This in no way makes you looked upon as someone who let it happen. You were a child. They were the perveted adult. End of story.


circls

Yes. I don’t live with her anymore, i live with my dad, who is a great person and totally understand my problems with my mom. Im thinking about telling him, but i’m afraid he’s going to sue her or something like that.


ashlyrind7

You can tell him, i think you should but it's up to. and what he does is what he chooses. Maybe it could be good for you. And him. But your own path forward will be different. I went to therepy after I went from my dad. i chose a male therepist surprisingly because the females I had told actually judged me. And i was Like oh yeah i used my "womanly ways" to get my OWN DAD to do that stuff? So it was like talking to him with women therepist. So anyways make sure its someone your comfortable. The internet helps but honestly it helps even more hearing from a person in words outloud. Im sorry this happened to you we both suffered something of pure evil but one thing is important. Dont the let the evil snuff out what is beautiful.


JesyLurvsRats

If you or anyone else reading this would like a support group that's not overwhelmed with post activity for sexual abuse, assault, and rape, I have found comfort in r/adultsurvivors We validate, we cheer, we listen, we can talk. Please don't suffer in silence. Even if you want to use a throwaway account or lurk. Like I said, it is a smaller supportive community and I've noticed posts don't get buried from too many posts and there's not overwhelming amounts of people commenting tone deaf nonsense on something so deeply personal.


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danglernley

If you trust your dad you should also trust him to do the right thing for you in this case. I’m sorry you are faced with this decision.


circls

It’s okay, really. Even tho I’m pretty sure it’s sexual abuse, I don’t really see it as a horrendous case of it. It has traumatized me, but since i’m living with her anymore (it’s been 6/7 years), it’s not part of my reality anymore


taylorabx

You still deserve justice for the abuse your mother put you through. And she deserves the consequences of her actions, before she does it to someone else.


beadmaker27

You don't have to compare it to anyone else's experience. What matters is how it affected you. It may not be part of your physical reality any longer, but it's still with you emotionally, and emotional health is just as important as physical. Please consider therapy. You deserve to heal.


imorganiccc

Exactly. I think you should tell your father


babymargaret

With the deepest respect, you may have disassociated from it. It could come up at really inopportune times. Like I go to get a routine pelvic exam at the dr and I logically can communicate to them that I’m aware it’s medical only and am apologizing but my body is completely got a mind of it’s own in that moment. You can bury trauma pretty deep without realizing it. A trained therapist can help you navigate if there’s anything there to explore or not


danglernley

Very well put, thanks for sharing your experience.


BananaSlugGhost

Tell your dad so you never have to be around her again. She’s sick and will do it to another little girl.


radm8

Let him, she deserves it.


imorganiccc

Yes. This is not normal at all in any way.


woodstockmatushka

Past the point when you can clean yourself there's no reason for a parent to "inspect" your genitals unless you got hurt, and even then they should let a doctor do that. Many indications of puberty are plainly visible without touching or undressing ie growth spurts, smells indicating need for deodorant, acne etc. And anyway, there's no need to check. It happens when it happens. This is definitely unhealthy and crossing healthy boundaries and in the same way it would be immediately understood as inappropriate for a man to do it, it was inappropriate for her as well. It signifies an unhealthy fixation on her daughter's sexual development, and quite frankly is wrong.


circls

Thank you for your feedback. Also, my mom would touch herself when me and my sister were around and make weird questions to us (such as asking if me and my sister would touch ourselves). I’ve talked to my sister and we both agreed on this hyper-sexual behavior of hers. I’ve been thinking about it recently and i’m pretty sure that some of my problems with showing myself (like undressing in front of someone) come from this events.


woodstockmatushka

That's definitely sexual abuse. I'm so sorry your mother did that to you both instead of protecting you. You deserved so much better.


circls

Thank you for your empathy and for exposing your opinion on the situation.


beadmaker27

That is 100% sexual abuse. It absolutely relates to why you're uncomfortable.


BananaSlugGhost

Yes. You were both molested.


beadmaker27

It doesn't matter what she says her reason was, it doesn't matter what her mental state is or was, it is a form of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse doesn't have to involve sexual gratification by the abuser or actual physical contact. Any involvement of the private genital area is sexually abusive when it is about sex, not about health. If a parent checks a child who has a rash or complains of pain, it is not abusive to look and do the normal care steps like powders etc, or take them to a doctor. But if at any point that inspection were to turn into an inspection of a sexual nature, like a virginity test or signs of puberty, it is sexual abuse. If a parent *initiates* a situation for the sole purpose of viewing the genitals, it is sexual abuse. This isn't to say a parent who is still giving their child baths shouldn't look at their child's body to stay aware of possible health issues, but predators count on excuses that seem harmless to perpetrate abuse. If the bath focuses too much on cleaning the genital areas for example, or if the parent uses the excuse of needing to keep the genitals moisturized past the point of diaper care or again, puts too much focus or time doing the normal diaper care, or if the parent is much too focused on the genital areas outside the normal parenting care activities, that's when we need to listen to our instincts. Normal parental care does not involve puberty checks or virginity checks. Your instinct is telling you something is off, and that is how we protect ourselves. Even children have the right to physical and emotional body autonomy, and she violated that.


Newwavesupport3657

A lot of sexual abuse requires no hands at all. Yes this is sexual abuse!! How creepy!! I’m sorry :(


Givemethatnow

Yes my Narc mom had sexually deviant tendencies like this as well these people are so vile 🤮


Mkartma61

OMG EW! That’s just ducking creepy and nasty what she did! And yes that is sexual abuse! I hope you and your sister stay the fuck away from her! Yuck!


DowntownEchidna3106

This is definitely sexual abuse. I'm so sorry this happened to you and your sister.


Equal-Bus-557

That’s sexual abuse. Gtfo that house ASAP


circls

I’m already out, thanks to my dad, who fought for my guard with all his strengths


oodinwaterloo

I have seen other people post about situations like this. A term is covert sexual abuse. Sorry I don't have a link, but there is quite a lot out there on this if you search. I'm sorry this happened to you and your sister.


strikeofsynthesis

It absolutely does. I can say I would never inspect my four year old’s genitals without her consent. She’s had rashes before, and I have her show me, I don’t even touch them unless I’m helping her in the bathroom. I used to wonder the same about my sexual abuse and it can be a lot to unravel. Take care of yourself reading these comments and everything that comes up with it. Hugs, friend.


circls

Thank you so much for your words!


Chicago2Tai

It's sexual abuse. No need for her to be looking there once you can clean yourself. Also significant, you had a boundary which was not respected even after you said you had a boundary and we're uncomfortable. I'm really sorry you went through that.


serendipitywood

I’m very sorry Circls. This is probably huge to process. I hope you are okay. If you feel comfortable, I would talk to your dad/a therapist/a very trusted friend so that you can vent and get it out. Love and peace x


circls

Thank you so much for your support ❤️


Budget_Cardiologist

I would say this is super creepy for sure. Would it be classified as sexual abuse in terms of the law? I'm not sure. I would say it is at the least an abuse of trust. Sneaking into someone's room while their sleeping for any reason is not ok. I used to think, well if I did it to them after I was an adult how would that go? I think children are no less human than adults. If its unwanted, unacceptable, etc if I sneak into my parents room and check their junk now then they should not have done it to me. It is definitely not normal behavior as u/imorganiccc says. The Pediatrician will let you know when your children reach puberty and this is not their way of checking. The Pediatrician will not check children's genetials without permission from the child.


imorganiccc

It’s definitely abnormal. And theres literally no reason for a parent to check their child’s private areas to see if they’ve reached puberty. Literally no reason at all. Think about it. I would consider this sexual abuse but I was trying to put it nicely.


circls

I’m pretty sure it is sa, but it’s hard to associate this, you know? Always thought my mom was just a nymphomaniac or something as she would always make sexual comments about everything (including suggesting that my sister is sexually interested in me)


imorganiccc

Yes that’s fucked up. Sorry that isn’t normal. That’s really fucked up


circls

I see it now, but i was always too young to realize (she would make those comments when I was around 15 and my sis 13)


imorganiccc

Yeah of course. I’m really sorry she did that to you


Budget_Cardiologist

>I’m pretty sure it is sa, but it’s hard to associate this, you know? Always thought my mom was just a nymphomaniac or something as she would always make sexual comments about everything (including suggesting that my sister is sexually interested in me) Its terrible what she did. She's definitely something. I'd consider finding a way to lock my door.


circls

Fortunately I don’t live with her anymore, but I’ll probably never sleep at her again


circls

Yeah, i don’t know if this relies on sexual abuse behavior in my country, but i’m pretty sure that this added to all the inappropriate sexual comments and actions she has had with me and my sister would. She would also force me to do stuff i didn’t want to (such as removing me clothes in a doctor’s office for some exam i didn’t want to do and was def not necessary)


MONERISplayz

Just letting you know that is very fking weird lol. Did you ask her why she would do that?


circls

Yes, she said it was because she wanted to check if I had hit puberty yet


staylily

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I experienced almost the exact same thing with my nmom... though it was my breasts and I was awake. I felt violated and still experience symptoms as if I were sexuality abused but literally nothing I have ever Googled has validated the way I felt. Everyone on the internet seems to think that kids have no right to bodily privacy, which they absolutely do.