Have mercy on me
By - SuperKonsti
I'm a real life chemist... the dm doesn't include alchemist anymore...
Two of my players are chemical engineers, you people make my life a living hell
I agree. Engineers are the worst.
I read a story about a (mechanical?) Engineer that played an artificer who created a repeating tazer-crossbow using commonly available materials, along with a bunch of other crazy weapons.
The tazer-crissbow was an acid-metal(lead?) battery attached to a bolt by a wire IIRC.
This reminds me of when my engineer friend used destroy water to make liquor and wreck the local economy. Buy ale, use the spell to distill it to liquor, sell for 10 times the price. Repeat.
So he basically got pure ethanol. What'd he mix it with to stop it from ODing people when they drank more than two shots?
I can't remember the math off hand but basically we ended up with 100 proof Brandy.
Most ale is between 5% and 6.5% abv, so ten or so gallons of ale could be distilled into one gallon of 100 proof spirits
You'd end up with a spirit called bierschnaps
Edit: I misread the initial premise, destroy water would only take 5 gallons to make 1 gallon of bierschnaps
I like your engineer friend, they sound fun.
Now I know why Howard from big bang theory is the dm and not a player.
"Yeah, they make terrible D&D players."
wrong universe, tell them to stop it. our universe’s rules for chemistry are as relevant to d&d as the rules to snakes and ladders
It's creative and fun when they try shit, but I do own a custom shirt that says "Because Magic! Shut Up!"
Don't make me tap the shirt
but the shit that flies flies because of the rule of cool, not ‘cause of the physical properties of an alien dimension
Unfortunately the lore I've built *does* rely heavily on the fake physics I built for my universe
sure, but that’s *your* fake physics. the only thing that can be used against you on that front is your own words, not a STEM degree from another universe
Ah , ok sorry, I thought you were saying the opposite
But the holder of that STEM degree nay be perfectly able and willing to use those words against them. The actual rules don't matter to an engineer, if you're consistent, they'll figure something out.
i just remind my players that if they want to apply their professional knowledge to their characters that i can do it to my villains. and i have all the time in the world to think up things. \*evil grin\*
not that i dont want them to think logicaly or point out obvious flaws in whats going on, but if someone starts trying to apply modern techniques to fantasy stuff, bad juju will happen.
Does the shirt say "boring reasons for not allowing fun shenanigans"?
Hey, easy there, I love fun shenanigans, I got the shirt because people kept poking plot holes in my gameworld because it wasn't "realistic enough"
So now whenever someone starts going on about why doesn't X do so and so, I just reply with "Because magic, shut up"
Most fun I had with my players knowing real life science was bonkers. They found notes from an alchemist and general science woman that wasn't originally from that material plane. One of the things she had done was recreate the well tests to calculate the circumference of the world she was now on. For those who are interested, I used Eratosthenes test as a model: If you can measure the angle of the sun doen two different wells at the same moment on the same day (in his case the solstice) you can at least approximate the circumference of a globe you are standing on.
The reason they found that part of her notes was she had become obsessed with her results. She didn't even write the results of the first test down, just wrote it off as a failure and decided to try the next solstice. She assumed the other team goofed the measurements and fired them.
Next time, she sent out two teams to different places, and took her own measurements locally. When they came back, all three of their measurements were the same. It drove her nuts: even if the plane they were on was *flat,* the measurements would still be different!
She ended up sending 5 more of these expeditions, timed differently to try to solve the riddle. Every time, everywhere the teams went in the world, the sun was always at the same angle to everyone at the same time on the same day. She died without having an answer that satisfied her.
The table went *nuts* as I related this story from their investigation check. It matters to the lore of the world, but so far not to anything that has happened to them directly, so they haven't found anything else about it. They still don't have the riddle figured out, either.
And I can't tell you guys, because one of my players follows me on reddit.
I hate you for giving us this riddle with no solution. I feel like a cat that got to play with a laser pointer - hyped up and unsatisfied. You are terrible. Feel bad. /I love it and it sounds like a fun table
My players hate me for it too. :)
The alchemist considered that too, but no. It was one of the reasons for the follow up tests. If it were a ringworld, it would only be true at noon. This woman literally designed magical time keeping devices so she could have groups take these measurements with perfect timing *not* at noon. The fourth or fifth test took three measurements, at different times, all on the same day.
Angles were all still the same. It killed the ringworld hypothesis.
Wait, why would it kill the ringworld hypothesis? If we build a “proper” ringworld around the Sun, it should be same always?
Also, as a follow up, two theories: Dyson sphere (duh), and Saraksh theory - that is, atmosphere has a refractive index other than 1, making people think planet was flat (compared to being an inner surface in case of actual Saraksh).
Except that the movement of the sun in the sky still rises and sets like our sun. The difference is the angle to the position of the sun is the same, everywhere the scientist measured, even doing so at different times of the day. So noon is the same everywhere, but so are sunrise and sunset. Even so, the arc of the sun in the sky still changes over the course of the year, suggesting a globe rotating 9n an axis like earth, even if deeper observation disproves the globe model.
Hm... Might need to draw it, but I do believe that having a complex atmosphere that normalizes all rays from the Sun relative to the surface would work, though it will be a very strange (at least, for our perception) world to be at.
Alternatively, play with higher dimensions? Not "plane" dimensions, but 4D, hyperbolic space?
Side thought: a planet with Ancient Sphere^(TM) around it. This sphere contains billions of waveguides with parabolic collectors on top and dispersing lenses at the bottom. The result would be "world of thousand suns", where at any point you are lit by at least a dozen different light sources - provided it is day, because nights still exist there. Could be a cool concept, if only for some art.
You'd be able to see the arc of the ring above you and 'night' would be caused by massive blocks flying that the air.
Unless it was absolutely massive but true
This is driving me crazy please can you DM me with some sort of explanation?
I'd love one too if it's not too much of a bother
Ill try to dm the short version to everyone that asks.
Edit: Gonna be slow giving out DMs for some hours, but keep the asks comin. Hope the answer continues to be satisfying for most of you. :)
Me too please, ty.
I would like to be a person that asks
For me as well please.
Hey, I'd love to know too please!
Curiosity has been peaked, may I have an answer please?
Please tell me too
I’ll join in, this seems like a fun idea to steal.
Could I have a DM aswell please
I would also be interested
So what’s the answer?
One hot and fresh DM please!
You have chat blocked or something.
I’d love to know—-I have a theory, but it’s probably wrong
I'd also like the answer
I would like to know!
I know it's been a bit, but could you please DM me the answer. I have a guess, but I'm not sure I'm right.
I'd love to know the answer to this also!
My people! Id love to play with a bunch of engineers, but it'd take so long to do anything.
Chemistry student checking in. We’ve got a Starfinder campaign going on where I have a pharmacy in my skull and just randomly inject people with chemicals for funsies. “I shoot the guy and inject him with 4-hydroxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine.” “You what?” “Magic mushrooms. He’s currently on a trip, barely able to stand or move. Also, I cast Daze.”
-after combat- “I hope I didn’t overdose him.”
"Also, I cast Daze." Can they even tell they are dazed after the shrooms lol
That’s why when in a dm gave he the homebrewed power to creak a 1ft by 1ft cube of any element regretted giving me the power to blow open anything.
Could be cool to see how you’d DM with including that skillset, honestly.
Oh. I'd love to homebrew *Badum tiss* an alchemy setup.
For some reason it reminds me of u/fatalchemist
I oneshotted the dragon in mines of phandelver. Dm gave me blasting powder so I ground it up really fine and pumped it in the air under the tower.big boom and tower collapsed
Former chemist, but also 16 years of sword fighting.
And I am actually getting decent at this social stuff in RL too !
Guess I will have to DM xD
By chance can you send me a few ideas for compounds to make? I’m playing an alchemist who makes bombs pretty much and I’m getting bored throwing potassium and sodium into water
Naphta and sulfur
Salpeter, charcoal and sulfur
These come to mind off the top of my head.
Perfect! Thank you so much!
I once ran a contemporary vigilante heroes campaign. My table had a lawyer, a cop, a computer engineer, an electrical engineer, and a construction contractor.
Did you use nitric acid?
i just snort derisively and say that their earth’s universe science will surely come in handy if they ever find themselves in earth’s universe, but it’s not worth shit in their present one.
the DM is god. you can’t try to work around them by bringing up the rules of a different universe than the game one
Only way you can beat us is if you throw out all consistency. And nobody wants to play with the "that doesnt work this time because I said so" DM.
The DM is replaceable.
i feel confident that Sir Isaac Newton isn’t present in a supermajority of fantasy worlds, easy
I feel confident that the concept of gravity is present in **every** fantasy world, along with all the other basic things a universe needs to function. Handwaving away basic physics and chemistry is exceptionally lazy DM work.
but not Sir Isaac Newton. there doesn’t have to be a coherent theory of gravity. it could be the will of the gods that keeps people’s feet on the ground, or the hunger of something living in the planet’s core. that’s for the GM to know. players can make assumptions, but they shouldn’t assume they *know*
especially if they’re so uncreative that they can’t think of a fantastical alternative to conventional gravity. i don’t think it’s laziness, i trust that it’s sheer incapability
DM: Yes... You see a green bush... And I over there is a different green bush... It's more bushier.
One of my buddies has quite the reputation as an artificer, he tends to screw around with science in ways that make any DM uneasy. I finally got to repay the favor and play an artificer with him as DM. It just so happens I'm rather familiar with the mechanics of firearms, I give it 4-6 in game months before we can cut down our foes with automatic weapons.
Yes but once one person starts using a weapon other people start using that type of weapon.... Now it's Warhammer and everyone's the Orkz.
*DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA*
Ooh, that reminds me of a story! Let me see if I can find it.
Found it! It's [The Flying Machine by Ray Bradbury.](https://floydmiddle.typepad.com/files/the-flying-machine-text.pdf)
Not if you keep the designs of a firearm for yourself.
and never hand it to a gnome
You say that like it's a problem.
I see this as an absolute win
You say that like it's a bad thing.
You knowing about guns doesn't mean your character does.
Yeah I should've clarified this in the post. Session 1 began with each party member stepping through portals from their respective realms. Guns are fairly common where I came from and being part of a guild of hired guns they're kinda my area of expertise.
Makes sense! But I’d still caution that you are likely far more knowledgeable than your character.
One small problem - modern firearms are very complicated to manufacture, so you would be stuck with flintlock (caplock if you're lucky) guns - with "pleasanties" such as low accuracy, low velocity, immense recoil (especially compared to modern), etc.
Wait, did I just start the gun argument again?
That's the problem of playing with people passionate for their field. It's not complicated for them to think of a kind reasonable way to make it not that complicated.
All he has to do is make smokeless powder non existent/not real. If all you have is black powder it makes making a self loading gun pretty impracticable from my understanding. It wasn’t until smokeless powder was invented/discovered that self loading firearms were possible.
You can run a repeating firearm on black powder easily as long as you understand the principles of gas blowback. The primary issue is that you are looking at fouling after a few dozen rounds fired vs a few hundred. It can be done, it's just not that optimal considering a lever gun can run on black powder and be fired nearly as fast as a semi automatic without worry about jamming.
Yeah the fouling was what I was getting at. For my understanding it’s a hard hurdle to overcome if you want anything resembling a “reliable” firearm. I wouldn’t call needing a cleaning half way through a magazine “reliable”
Fair. But you could probably run a 30 round magazine through it before it would be likely to fail. Just make your character have to use a short rest to clean it between uses or the chance of fault increases each time. A buddy of mine had a black powder .45-70 Buffalo gun and we'd shoot a box of rounds and the barrel was still pretty clean after.
Edit: or meet in the middle and have your guns use guncotton which is way more powerful than black powder but also unstable.
If magic is in play, you can justify almost anything if you're creative enough.
In the group I DM, I have an Iraq Veteran, an archeologist, a physicist, and a Veterinary nurse. I understand the "Um, actually...".
You guys would form a balanced adventuring party irl, really don't have to bother with tabletop games at that point...
Don't most adventuring parties become murder hobos? I question your recommendation.
That would be an interesting news thread to follow at least..
Are... are you the survivors of an apocalypse story?
Wow, getting it from all angles lol
So a Fighter, a Warlock, an Artificer and a Druid?
Close: A paladin, a bard, a wizard, and a druid.
You should just run them as the their real world classes in the D&D campaign.
I'm a medical researcher and my DMs hate when I play cleric.
That sounds like it could be really fun in a game like Cyberpunk Red or GURPS, being able to tell the DM exactly how you patch someone up.
It is the part where the character needs to take someone apart that gets the DM's attention...
I mean... Still fits cyberpunk. Just look at the medtech I made
I don't see how praying to a god and using literal magic to fix people has any connection to real life medicine...
Good life domain clerics don't just use magic to heal. Medicine checks are common to stabilize injured NPCs or party members. For role play purposes it's also good to be able to describe wounds, methods of treatment, etc.
My players all love animals and we can't get through a session without their dumbasses arguing about animal facts.
Threaten to make it aquatic campaign with awakened mantis shrimp riding dire coconut crabs attacking them if they don't stop?
Your animal facts won't help you against SONIC BOOM.
No, no no put Dire Coconut Lobsters (Fusion between coconut crabs and lobsters) that'll scare em!
#CRUSTACEANS ARE THE SUPERIOR D&D RACE
Heck, the D&D part ain't even necessary
#CRUSTACEANS ARE THE ULTIMATE LIFEFORMS
I'm confused as to why the lobsters will make them more dangerous or is it to make them more delicious?
You’re saying that as if that wouldn’t be a sick campaign but anyway did you know that a squid’s brain is donut-shaped?
#ITS MAGIC, I DONT HAVE TO EXPLAIN IT
Something something ley lines
Something, Something, planets aligned
I understand that you spent years learning the intricacies of nature and biology but Fey don't give a shit about any of that.
When most of your group are biologists in one way or another including yourself.😎
My mate put a halt to it at his table of physicists (himself included) when one broke out pen and paper to do a reverse rocket equation to calculation the trajectory and max travel distance of a grapple arrow.
Oh my god, those people sound AMAZING.
Me: *a real life stoner playing a Druid*
I’m about to ruin this mans whole career
Right with you! I’m also studying Environmental Science, for a little bit extra spice!
Goona make the DM roleplay so many plants.
Stoner biologist druid here, cheers.
I encourage players to avoid reflecting life too closely. Especially when specific and intricate knowledge is involved.
That's the conundrum usually with Artificers since people use a little too much out of game knowledge
Exactly. I expect players to limit their tech to things that could have at least been inspired by something in game.
I hold two mirrors facing each other and LASERS!
Are there clocks or pocketwatches or anything similar in DnD?
I think because people know about the end product. They assume it would be easy to preform all the intermediate steps to get there.
Exactly. For instance, just because you know, generally, how to make black powder does not mean you know how to make a reliable firearm of any kind. Much less any kind of modern gun or cannon.
The history of John Harrison and his maritime chronometers eventually becoming oversized pocket watches. Is a good example for how long making the ideal thing can take.
Also if you’re in the Forgotten Realms in particular, black powder does not function.
Can you cite a source for that? I don't recall ever reading that
I believe it's in a book I don't have somewhere, but here's the creator of the Forgotten Realms on Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheEdVerse/status/867390811138379777?s=20
Ok, there we have it
You do realize that black powder is a thing in 5e as well as dynamite, right? It's even in Waterdeep Dragon Heist.
The ranger in my group is a real life biologist and a hiker, with a PhD in Ecology. It just so happens that the DM is also a real life biologist, but with a PhD in Biophysics.
I'm a DM and a medic. God help if you if you try to RP a medicine check.
"So I tie a tourniquet around their neck to stem the bloodflow..."
Surprisingly correct. Although if it's bad enough, I'm partial to a neck-down amputation.
Ah, a doctor of true esteem and practice, I see.
I would have fun torturing them with MY canonical biology and flora. Oh you like Biology? What do you think about my boneless dwarves and photosynthetic humans. Also, flowers only bloom at night and trees are sarcastic.
If you're going to be like that, you can help me tell the story. Every time I describe a creepy walk in the woods, I'm going to be looking at the Ranger to tell me what plants are here.
Everytime the game calls for poison, I'm going to ask the Ranger what it is, and then use whatever stats I was going to use anyway.
Everytime the biologist asks a stupid question about what's fuelling the ecosystem down here in the depths, I'm going to go on a twenty minute rant about sedimentary rock and millions of dead sea-creatures, millions of years old and the "ghost weed" that feeds on their residual spirit energy(which is, of course, mostly renewable.)
>If you're going to be like that, you can help me tell the story. Every time I describe a creepy walk in the woods, I'm going to be looking at the Ranger to tell me what plants are here.
>Everytime the game calls for poison, I'm going to ask the Ranger what it is, and then use whatever stats I was going to use anyway.
I definitely do that when my players have expertise in a field. When they ask me a question I think they'll know better than me, I ask them "what would make sense here?"
It makes worldbuilding more of a collaborative effort.
I mean... Ghost seaweed sounds pretty cool honestly. I'd watch that documentary.
Right? It suggests themes for areas. Metamorphic rocks probably have a different types of ghost weed growing in it. Igneous rocks can't grow ghost weed at all, but fresh igneous provinces have lava monsters and other thermophiles. Old igneous provinces have all kinds of chemical energy and strange resources in the rock. Some creatures/plants have learned how to extract this energy, but mostly creatures come from the surface and from other areas to extract nutrients.
I hadn't been thinking of it as seaweed, but I am now! It brings to mind deep dwarves dragging water up from some deep hidden reservoir to keep their ghostweed farms submerged. They probably buy salt compulsively or found a source to maintain salinity. They might even keep fish in the farms. Sure, fish eat the weeds, but they also eat parasites, resulting in a healthier crop.
When the economist starts asking about the production and consumption of goods in a village they just saved and wishes to subtily question various merchants on their prices to find lucrative investment opportunities.
Ah yes, bringing actual real life knowledge to a dnd game.
I am a linguistics student and a dm. Once upon a time my players had to spend an entire session to learn a new language, because none of them knew the local language and there won't be a Common language at my table.
Did they have fun with your arbitrary rules?
If so then you did a good job as a DM.
If not, you're just a dick.
Source: Cryptologic Linguist that doesn't force complex ciphers on his PCs.
Never have I been so offended by something I 100% agree with
I mean, it was a problem and they solved it with a bit of thinking. So, I was a bit of a dick to them, but they still had fun.
I didn't make them decipher or translate an actual language if that's what you're thinking. Just a couple of intelligence checks and some sleepless nights (ingame) for the wizard.
Oh lmao, I legit thought you were making them learn basic terms of a new language OOC.
And now youre on some country's watch list.
Only the bad ones, I'm cleared with NATO lol
Yeah, it's the bad ones that are the problem
I always interpreted common as the language of trade, like how in the classical era the vast majority of people spoke at least some greek.
My fiance is a trained herbalist/botanist playing a druid. Trust me when I say "I get you".
This reminds me of the time I was playing an apocalypse campaign with 2 other engineers, one of which has read the Anarchist's Cookbook. It was a system where your character is yourself but during a Cthulut style apocalypse.
The DM gave us a janitors closet in a hospital. We had several explosives and multiple weapons made in no time. We were there to save our friend who was DMing. We found out later DM was intending to kill themselves off in the game (as recommended by the game to remove complications) but we were so heavily armed we were able to get her out.
I'm a veterinarian. I play druids like nobody's business.
As DM i would just say "well, this is a magical fantasy universe, maybe it does not work the way it does in our world"
Hope the rangers name was Clyde
Thankfully, our Ranger is an Paramedic in real life, but he wasn't always a goody two shoes tooling around in a wee-woo wagon, so that's how we ended up with Ranger Parkland, the Park Ranger who knows exactly how to make Molotov Cocktails and is kinda upset that they're not listed in the PHB.
They should be. I played a Cleric who blessed oil specifically so I could make holy Molotov cocktails out of them. Immune to fire my ass, fiend scum.
They can outsmart fire but not the cleric
Its not listed as "molotov" it's called "alchemists fire"
You are the DM just make up new plants. If he/she is doing something wierd just say "no, that plant/animle dont exist in these world".
I am apparently alone here, but I 10000% don’t understand why this would be a problem. Every potential issue is easily solved by a simple explanation: although that is how things work in the real world, because of the influence of magic, the gods, etc, things work a little differently in this world.
Say the players have access to the ingredients to make c4 and they decide they’d like to make c4: DM says it doesn’t work. Smarty pants player says ‘yes it does, I’m a chemist or whatever, that’s how you make c4’, DM just says ‘in real life yes, but also in real life you can’t reduce damage from being stabbed by being really mad or dimension door yourself the length of a football field or divine answers directly from a living god, and so some things work differently in D&D world, so those ingredients do not make c4.
Apply this logic to literally anything that asshole players wanna call out lol. If you wanna do crap like that, play a game that follows our own world’s rules and physics, etc. If you wanna be on your deathbed but then sleep 8 hours (or sometimes less!) and then be 1000% right as rain, don’t bitch if your DM doesn’t let you build a machine gun lol
History major with a interest in primitive weapons and a setting with gunpowder . Every day my ratman artificer makes the world look a bit more like Skavenblight , one smoking crater, cackles of glee, and rocket blast at a time .
Try a real-life programmer learning Magic Mouth. Shit gets out of hand really fast.
I actually love it when players bring IRL skills into appropriate characters (like a ranger knowing tons about plants and animals).
Just remember that magic doesn't play by normal rules (looking at you people who use create/destroy water to instakill people) and that I'm not going to let you punch way above the party's weight so we can keep it fun for everyone.
I've recently started a campaign with one of my college lectures, who happens to be a Oxford qualified doctor and has a masters in ecology (which he now teaches)
Needless to say I will be putting in a lot of effort to make sure monsters are anatomically possible and correct
"I wish to study a giant's genitalia to approximate it's population density"
More along the lines of "you encounter a dire bear" now I have to work out the food web of the area and tha abundance of pray which could support such a creature because his character will most certainly use this info
This is how one of my players got psychedelic mushrooms
I played a game with some geologists, I have never been so bored in a game of DnD
Heh, my ranger just bought a keg of gunpowder. The DM seemed confused, so I said "BPG's. Bow propelled grenades." Our fireball flinging mage will soon finally get a taste of his own medicine.
I have a Master’s in ecology and I really REALLY want to play a Druid.
As a biologist myself, I have Necromantic ideas.
Heyo Bio Bro! What's your field of study?
Yo. As a dm I have a fue old college textbook for my. Players to us if they want to get creative I’m watching for one to do it so I can make a chemistry puzzle
Quickly, to Wikipedia
Uh oh, I hope this isn't me. MS, if this is you I'm sorry. I'm my defense I do try to avoid my long-winded descriptions and deliberately avoided taking speak with plants.
I'm a real life Biologist and hiker, and I don't play Ranger because it's too much like real life for me.
I have a player with a PhD in physics, another player with a PhD in Math, and another player is a Medical Doctor; I feel your pain. However, they are great players and do their best to not get too science-y and the math player really helps speed things up for us by quickly adding and subtracting in his head; he's like a human calculator, haha.
Ah, so do you know all of the magical plants in my world? I have plenty! Oh, that kind of bush wouldn’t grow there, interesting, well it is, but do you know why it is?
I'm in this picture and I don't like it.....nah, I love it :)