AITA for wanting my sister to babysit my daughter for free?
By - Judgement_Bot_AITA
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
I might be TA because I want free babysitting when it's not her obligation, although I babysitted for free
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NTA. You have an extremely petty, selfish sister.
IMO all OP should say in response to the sis is,
"Sooooo it's ok for me to help raise you kid when I was a kid myself, however when I ask an adult you to watch my kid for one day it is too much and you deserve money?"
Honestly I turned young into kid to drive the point home that she had a non adult basically be a second mom to her kid with nothing in return. And I have a sinking suspicion that the gifts that OP said were groceries were just groceries so that OP could continue to feed sister's child. So OP NTA and If you have no one else for free pay someone you can trust to watch your kid cause obviously your older sister ain't that. It is sad you were more mature and grown up then her from at least 16 yrs old on.
Oh yeah. Honestly with that selfish behavior of OP's sister, I'd just pay someone trustworthy instead of someone who has proven they are happy to have all the take and none of the give. Especially as you helped raise her son yet she felt no gratitude.
And don't ask her for favors again. Let her realize that her selfish demand has made it perfectly clear that her involvement with your child is dependant on money.
If your comfortable with it,wait til nephew is a bit older and start paying him to baby sit,right into a bank account his mum can't get to
The nephew is 17? How much older should he be to babysit lol
I thought he was 13...
He was 13 when OP stopped babysitting him.
Ooh okay well then yeah the boy is old enough!
Sis had him at 20, she is now 37
So basically what OP should do is pay the nephew to babysit---maybe make sure sister can't steal what he earns. If she feels this entitled to her kid sister's work, she probably feels the same way about her own kid.
I bet Aunty Skinflint would be mad as all hell if you started paying her son to babysit just to spite her, though. NTA, OP. (Although I might be a little of one for calling your sister Aunty Skinflint. Totally fair, I deserve that.) If nephew loves you like a second mom, he might be able to help (school permitting, of course, so maybe just in-service days or something. Still.)
It's really unfair and mean to that kid to put him in the middle of this fight. This is absolutely not the way to go about making a point. Better to just interview babysitters and hire an outside person you trust rather than further this argument through a teen boy.
He can always say no if he doesn't want to do it.
Of course but it's still a kid that you as an adult should not be bringing into the situation in the first place. He may not be aware of the initial conversation between his aunt and his mother.
If he volunteered to watch his cousin that's a different story. But it's definitely not a good way to go about things to seek him out. He may feel pressured to do it, being close to OP and all. Asking the kid feels like a weird vindictive thing to do that doesn't really benefit anyone. You don't want to give his mom a reason to say "your aunt only hired you because she's made I wouldn't do it for free." As a teenager a kid has enough life experience to see that for what it is; being used as a pawn to try to annoy someone else. It could potentially make him rethink is relationship with his aunt, which seems like a positive relationship. For instance "are we only close because she was forced to care for me? And am I now being asked to care for her child as some sort of punishment or repayment of a debt?" I'm taking this to a somewhat extreme place but that can totally happen when you put people in the middle of an argument.
All in all it's a way better move to just hire a caretaker outside of the situation. The sister made it about money so just avoid any big favors for her.
I don't think it brings him into the argument to ask him to babysit. She doesn't even have to mention that she spoke to his mother first. But I definitely think, if she's asking him to babysit, she should offer to pay. It's one thing to expect her adult sister to watch her niece for free, but a teenager should get paid if they're taking on that responsibility, since it's so much bigger an ask and there's an unequal power dynamic there (where he might feel like he can't say no, so he should at least be getting paid for saying yes).
I agree that asking the boy to watch, for pay is in itself ok. If a teenager wants a babysitting job, they absolutely deserve pay for their time. I was more responding to the nature of the comment above about "then mum won't see the money."
Personally, the coldness of the sister's reaction would make me want to just go to an outside source to avoid potential conflict. I mean what if the kid tells mom what his aunt is paying and she decides that's not enough and raises a stink about it? Or she views it as a vindictive response to put her teenager in the same shoes as OP? Idk it kinda seems like "I won't pay YOU but I will pay HIM" might cause issues.
All of this.
Oh yeah, most 12-25 year olds think groceries are a thrilling "gift"
I totally agree, though I've also known plenty of 18-25 year olds who would have been thrilled to get a bag of groceries every now and then.
The ones who would have been thrilled with a bag of groceries would probably have been happier with cash, unless they weren't able to go to the grocery themselves.
You're onto something! My sister in law babysat all day for the neighbors when she was a teenager... They paid her in strawberries 🤣 she still talks about it and she is in her 40s now lol
Don't do anything for her again, ever.
The sister isn't even qualified to watch a toddler. She has no experience with young children and made it clear she has no interest.
Agreed. And send her a bill for all the years of free babysitting. Obviously, she won't pay it, but if she wants to turn the their relationship into a strictly transactional one, OP may as well make it explicit.
This!! Specifically ask your sis what her rate is, then multiply it by the number of hours you spent watching her kid. Unbelievable.
Or when she asks for a favor agree and demand she pay you for it.
Nta seriously? My sister helped babysit and raise my daughter. I can’t wait until I can finally start repaying her with looking after her own kids. But I paid her in the first place! If I was you I would never do another thing for your sister. Because it’s obvious that she doesn’t feel the same way about you.
No wonder she got pregnant by a MARRIED man! 🙄
Before anyone comes at me for saying it’s not just the sister’s fault I know that and I’m not excusing the man’s behavior, just pointing out the character of a person
Absolutely. If she knew, that speaks volumes about her character.
Yeah, and judging by her reaction here, I would wager that she was well aware of the situation.
She's always been and will continue to be a very shitty person.
In fairness, that in itself means nothing. We don't know whether she knew he was married.
Okay. In a vacuum, we can't know whether she knew he was married.
In context? When she's this petty and selfish? I would bet a large amount of money that she knew he was married and didn't care because "~ true love ~"
This is how people like her are.
Yeah it'd be more surprising to me to find out she didn't know... The rest of her behavior is consistent with being a shitty person
Sure maybe her contraceptive failed after casually dating and she didn't know. But they seems really unlikely she could date someone and not pick that up.
NTA. OP may be frustrated about it, but remember, your sister is a user. You gotta put boundaries, because user will take it all if you let them. My advice? Use it as a lesson to know the kind of person she is, and deny any favor she needs, no matter how small.
Not deny, just ask for payment every time sister says "I need". When she gets all huffy, remind that she put price on all her interactions.
Also for birthdays, buy your sister groceries as that clearly counts as gift.
If OP's sister considers getting groceries to be the same as paying her sister, then OP should just give her a birthday card with cabbage inside. That's like money, right?
Totally agree, any time she wants anything, babysitting, a ride, just your company, demand payment for childcare, taxi services and therapy.
Why even give her gifts for birthdays? Groceries may actually help her out. Just give her a card that says "hah, you're even older now".
I'm gonna be honest, if I got a gift card for groceries as a gift, I would be very happy. But I'm also a somewhat broke adult with a family to feed, not a teenager.
You win the internet today!😀
Scrw that I'm to lazy petty get her a Safeway giftcard.
But empty one, and give it to her with words 'I have put a value of our relationships on this card', right?
na I was thinking "here is 5$ for groceries get yourself sompthing nice"
This sub thread has me 🤣💀
NTA absolutely agree with this. Also send her a bill for the 12 years that you babysat for her and said if you have to pay, so does she. Boom.
Seriously. Count the hours giu spent babysitting, add a generous discount, send it to her.
Does this relationship bring anything good into your life?
At the risk of adding to this sub's "pro nuclear option" reputation, I would legitimately consider never speaking to her again. Nephew is 17, so old enough to keep in contact without the sister.
Unless there is more to this story, the sister appears to be a ompletely self serving person.
I was thinking Nephew is old enough to babysit for a day. Pay him of course.
Match her petty for petty. Take her hourly rate, add up the hours you babysat and submit a bill. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was putting undo strain on our relationship by not asking for payment for babysitting. You’re right, it’s only fair. So, just to keep everything even and balanced between us here’s you bill. I’m happy to deduct the hours you babysit out of it while you work on paying it off. Feel free to discuss a payment plan with me if you need it.
You know what, your right, I feel so much clearer and better about our relationship now that we’re keeping all this on the up and up, so thanks.”
I mean, your relationship will crash and burn if you do it but it will feel so good at the time. NTA.
It’s already crashed and burned when ops sister decided that her time was more valuable than the person who helped raise her kid.
That’s my opinion too.
Your sister sucks.
Selfish indeed, getting with a dude who was married and having his kid.
Exactly! Just wow! Now you know what kind of person she really is. You were only asking for 1 day!
I agree. This also isn't about how OP babysat her sister's child, it's about how her sister completely dismisses it and then demands pay for *one* time.
And don’t pay her. If you’re going to pay, get a regular sitter.
Ask her son if he would babysit and pay him. Also NTA. One day versus 12 years really isnt asking much at all.
Just make sure he comes to your house to babysit if he agrees. No need for him or your DD to hear his mom screeching about it, and she will.
Yeah, don’t put your designated driver through that.
It’s bad enough they have to sit there and sip club soda while everyone else is pounding mixed drinks.
They will come out on top in the morning though. Hangovers are the worst.
Yessss this was my thought. If i'm doing my math right, nephew is around 17 and older that OP was when she started babysitting.
Ask him to babysit and pay him out of spite lol
Yes, and if he declines the money just say, "Oh, I raised you right"
This is the best and most glorious answer.
This is genius
Don't let his mom know you're paying him either 😂
Normally, I'd be on your sister's side but you babysitting her kid for free for 13 years completely changes everything. If you do something for someone for free and they don't reciprocate then they're assholes. 13 years of free babysitting and this is how she acts?! Wow! In your shoes, I'd feel so offended that I'd disown her. You saved her thousands (maybe even tens of thousands) of dollars and this is how she shows her gratitude?! Holy crap! NTA
I too came in expecting to agree with a different verdict, but then read the utter selfishness of OP's sister. You're right that OP saved her sibling an untold amount of money. Babysitting and childcare have price tags so exorbitant because they have a child's life in their care. I'd be tempted to be petty and return the lack of help in kind down the road, but OP seems a better person than I. NTA.
I'd do it for free. They would be my sibling and it's for one day...
I live 90 minutes away from my sister. I would drive down to their place to babysit my nephew for the day, for free. IMO that’s what family does!
Exactly! I think people take issue with the family or friend card when the person /expects/ the service or good for free instead of asking a favor and showing proper gratittude.
But now some see any favor as exploitation... there is no gray area for some.
I read the title and thought “wow OP sounds like the kind of person who demands their money back even when it was just 60ct for a cheese bun” and then I read that she’s asking her sister to babysit for *one fucking day* and my jaw dropped
13x years of baby sitting is prob over 200k...I'd invoice her ass with interest.
Remove the interest as family discount - still a pretty sum.
Then add late fees for non payment :)
Add the interest to the invoice. But then include the family discount to cancel it. Let them see your generosity!
Then include an updated invoice with late fees with every holiday card. Turn the petty up to 11.
/u/ThrAw34 do this please! I would love to watch her try to logic her way out of this.
Oh gosh how fun would it be to send a bill? That’s what she deserves.
What kind of families do you have that you would expect payment for doing the bare minimum? If I tell my sister to look after my child on a week-end if I want to leave somewhere, she will do it (not if she has plans, work, events, bla bla), and I would do it for her too.
If she needs me to look ater her dog for a week, I do it. If I need her to look after mine, she'll do it. There are very basic requests, why everyone wants money for everything when it comes to family?
If you have to put plans on hold or you can't work because of it, of course, family should compensate you for the job, but otherwise people should help each other more.
I would do it the same like you but if it’s rather one sided eg one sibling with kids and dog and the other one have neither kids nor animals and the parent often asks their sibling for babysitting it would be nice to pay something or make arrangements.
For example my family often helped an elderly neighbor with her garden without pay and we often made bbq together and than she would pay for it, or my bf and I will look after his parents animals and they will buy all our food for this time and give us some fun money (we’re moving in for this time)
It doesn’t need to be money but in OPs case she couldn’t go out with friends or do something fun in her free time and her sister gave her nothing for it. Sister could have payed for small vacations/camping trip for op and her friends or tickets for something fun for op and one friend.
Of course, as I said, if it's something like permanent babysitting, compensation would be needed. OP is NTA and I would be really pissed if after I did something for a sibling so many times, when I ask her to do it for me, she'll ask for payment.
I was commenting just on what the user above me said, that usually OP would be an asshole because she is expecting babysitting without payment, and I am completely enraged with this current mindset of "I will only help you if you pay me". What the hell is this?
Oh, and after all these years, I have to thank someone for an award on Reddit. You took my awards virginity, so thank you 😎
This is entirely dependent on your family relationships
In your case its a give and take relationship
But in situations where it isnt a give and take people expect money normally
However in op’s case the sister is a asshole most definitely
NTA. By my calculation Luke is 17, you should pay him to babysit and never ever do another favor for your sister.
If you pay him though, make sure your sister doesn't just take the money. Maybe put it into an account that you give over to him once he turns 18.
Yeah, maybe agree to buy him a game after X hours or a console after YY hours. Assuming that he's into Video Games.
I was also wondering if Luke might be a babysitting option. At 17 he’s old enough and to understand that he has the ability to refuse whenever he wants which OP apparently never had the luxury to do.
> I was also wondering if Luke might be a babysitting option. At 17 he’s old enough and to understand that he has the ability to refuse whenever he wants which OP apparently never had the luxury to do.
And if you're going to pay someone to do it, you may as well get someone who is younger, and therefore more patient, right?
I NEED OP to say this to sister 😂
I want the OP to be petty and have the son realize how selfish his mom is by telling him the truth of what his “second mom” had to go through to raise him, and what his mom is now unwilling to do for her.
don't do that, please. The way sister reacts he is probably already told often how his very existence ruined his mothers teenage years, as selfish as she is, guilt tripping him whenever they have an argument. . He doesn't need to know or feel he did the same to his aunt.
While i agree with you OP shouldn't do that, i can't say her sister was a teenager because she was 20 yo when she got Luke.
Your sister is apparently a TA
Congrats now you know. Hire a babysitter.
NTA you helped raise her son. Seems to me she owes you once in a while
I was fully prepared to come with a verdict of YTA, but for a single day?! After the generosity of OP spanning over more than a decade?? Just really fucking selfish AH behavior from the sister. I would honestly never do her another favor again and put her on blast when asked about it.
Depending on the kind of kid Luke is I would ask him to babysit and pay him. If my math is correct he should be 17 and probably be able to manage a kid for a day
NTA. Never babysit for her again if she wants to do something out of town or she has another kid. Hire a sitter instead. At least the sitter takes the job seriously.
actually, go ahead and babysit if sister asks. and demand payment.
If I were OP, I'd say "Sure, $100 an hour, upfront" to her.
"I have 13 years of work experience, you know."
Oh and I required the previous 12 years to be paid in full before taking on any more jobs.
NTA! You took care of your nephew out of love and asked for a little help with your daughter now. Your sister for a few measly baby- sitting dollars is letting go of the chance to spend time with her niece while also hurting her sister (you) by putting money ahead of family.
This is an excellent response and observation. The sister is burning one of the most important bridges in her life. OP is NTA.
I bet OP's sister doesn't care.
This is so radically culturally dependent, you’re going to get 1 million different answers. Personally the thought of asking for money to watch my own flesh and blood is unthinkable, but most people probably don’t feel that way in individualist countries.
I live in a very individualistic country and I 100% agree with you
Agree with this. The idea of family members expecting payment for helping each other out is the complete opposite of my concept of family.
That said, I have a fairly small family of independent and high functioning people. I might not feel the same way in different circumstances.
I live in an individualistic culture, and even here I would expect most people to help their siblings occasionally, at the very least. Childcare is a tricky subject, because family members can easily be taken advantage of if they provide regular childcare. Childcare is expensive, and if family does it for free, there is a big incentive to ask for lots of free labor. If starts to significantly impede on the caretakers life, that's when I think payment - monetary or otherwise - should be in order.
Relatively individualistic here too, and most people would never dream ok asking for payment in this situation. Sister is an AH without a doubt.
I live in an “individualist” country, and yep, this is nuts. Aunts/uncles might pay nieces/nephews to watch younger cousins, but more because it’s an excuse to support the nieces/nephews. Siblings who have kids just help each other out as needed, no payment even considered
I live in the US (so very individualistic) and I couldn't think of asking for money for doing family a favor.
Only maybe would I offer money to a relative that's struggling with money and I'm trying to help them out by giving them something to do to earn it.
NTA. If you’ve got to pay for it, use someone else. They’ll be more likely to respect your boundaries.
Yes, I would also imagine that even if OP paid, her sister would not take care of her niece, instead giving that responsibility to Luke...
NTA. It’s not as though you asked/expected her to share the burden of raising your child for over a decade, you asked if she could hang out with her niece for a few hours. And she wanted money.
Pay a proper babysitter. Hell, depending on how old Luke is, maybe you can pay him.
I was so prepared to say you were the asshole- that’s almost always the case with expecting free babysitting. But holy shit you literally half RAISED her child and before you were even an adult!
She’s super shitty, petty and ungrateful. You are NTA.
NTA I would never help her again for the rest of my life. With anything at all. Ever. Just call me the grandmaster of grudges.
I would deadset never speak to her again. Like EVER!
Former lurker, first-time poster, btw. But IMO, OP would be NTA even if she had never babysat her nephew at all. It's not like OP was asking her sister to provide regular babysitting services for free; as I understand things, this was supposed to be a one-off for just one day while OP and her husband took a personal day. Last I checked, family members do that kind of thing for each other all the time. I'd do something nice for my sister after the fact, of course, if she watched my kids, but no money would change hands. To demand money upfront in exchange for helping your sister for a single day is extremely odd and materialistic. Frankly, the sister sounds like TA, even if the nephew wasn't part of the equation.
Absolutely this. Hell even if I was visiting from out of state and we didn't have plans for the day and my sister asked me to watch her kid for an afternoon so she and my brother in law could have a few hours together I would do it for them in a heartbeat
NTA, it's only fair that she help considering all you did for her. However she is not obligated to care for your kid, just like you weren't obligated to care for hers. You are the nicer sister. I'm sorry she is too stupid to be kind back. Karma will get her.
Except it sounds like she was, at least initially, obligated to care for her sister's kid because her sister and parents had to work. Op even said she had to give up and put off doing things because "family comes first."
NTA for op but sister is definitely one.
So if my math is correct, Luke is 17? Can he babysit? Fuck your sister, she doesn't sound reliable.
I don't really want to drag him in this situation and create a bad blood between him and his mother.
If he thinks of you as a second mother, in sure he'd be happy to help you out.
**ASK** him, if he says no don't push. If he says yes them good.
If you have to pay him, at least he has some fun money for himself and it doesn't go to your ungratefull sister.
You wouldn't be the one creating the bad blood with this request. If he really views you as a second mother then this request isn't out of line (very normal actually). The only bad blood would be caused by a bad reaction from your sister. You are not responsible for her actions so you wouldn't be the one causing bad blood.
> the father was married
Did your sister know he was? Cause if she did, that should have been your first indication your sister was a vile piece of crap.
Honestly I'm just bewildered by people saying "I was going to be on your sister's side, but..."
Who asks for money to watch their niece/nephew? It seems crazy to me.
The consensus philosophy of this sub seems to be that no one owes each other anything, especially not family (or as people mockingly write here, "fAmiLLLYyyyy!!!").
However, to answer your question, who asks for money to watch their niece/nephew? Someone who was OP's age when she watched hers (but she didn't). Not someone like her sister in her late 30s (but she did).
Agree. Like spending time with your niblings is a bonus, rather than a chore. That said, I love kids.
Are you t - a for wanting your sister to babysit? No, not for wanting it. Are you t -a for expecting a one day favor from your sister so you can have a break? No, that seems fair. Especially since it's one day. (Unless there's other information we're missing.) It's very unfair, OP, that your sister is saying she wants payment for watching your child when you watched her child for free for 12 years. And I understand that it's hurtful and frustrating that she's turning your down unless you cough up money. It is extremely unfair and I understand your anger.
From the title I immediately thought you were TA but THIRTEEN YEARS of FREE babysitting for your nephew and your sister can't give you ONE night?
Your sister is taking advantage of you and clearly doesn't think your time is worth as much as hers.
Your sister is such an AH for even suggesting payment just for a few hours of babysitting when you practically raised her son 😳😳 I would not do her ANY favors anymore. Some people don't seem to realize that they are gonna need HELP one day and that people very much remember how they were treated by you in their time of need
NTA. It's not like you're expecting reciprocity, but one day is more than reasonable
NTA. It's not like you asked her to babysit your kid for 13 years or something. She's selfish and the AH.
NTA. The next time she asks you a favor, tell her you will but only if she pays you. Give her a taste of her own crappy medicine.
OMG. So much NTA.
This was me. I was the older sister, and my brother spent heaps of time with my daughter (he was 14 when she was born). They are still super close, and she's 28.
He has 4 kids, and you best believe I was in there early with them all. I looked after them when I could, changed dirty nappies on all of them except the youngest. By then my stomach had turned delicate and I couldn't face it - and the first time I handed her to her father was the first time he pulled the "But I changed your daughter's bum". I happily reminded him that I'd had one kid, this was his 4th and the first time I'd pushed back.
He grinned and took the baby to be changed. Everytime she needed to be changed after that I'd had her to him with a smug "this is broken, bring it back when it's fixed". We'd all laugh. Because that's what families do. You sister is TA, OP. It's broken. It may never be fixed.
NTA asking an occasional babysitting favor from a family member is not something that I would expect to pay for either especially given your history. Regular babysitting is a different story,
You’re not the asshole. And you have a shockingly selfish, rude, narcissistic sister. You helped her survive when she needed support the most, bc you treated her like family. Now that you are the one who needs a little bit of support, she treats you like a potential customer.
I really hope you remember this the next time she asks you for help, and I’m sure she will again one day.
Meanwhile, find yourself a reliable babysitter or close friend, and don’t ever consider asking sissy for support again. She views your relationship as transactional, not familial. You can’t count on your sister the way she could always count on you. Create and grow a good support system for yourself and your daughter. Your sister isn’t it.
NTA, but your sister is.
NTA but now you know that your sister is an AH. Better you learned now than later. Send her a bill for all the time you babysat for her.
NTA! perfect example of how Selfish and self centered people can be.
NTA. Her behavior is selfish. If she needs you, ask her to pay
NTA. Your sister is ungrateful and she has showed you can't count on her. If she ever needs something from you again, please remember her words. Be the prettiest petty person who has ever pettied in this petty life.
I would understand paying her...of she were 14 and had no source of income, but she's 40. She has her own job and can get paid from that instead of greedy and selfish.
NTA: I was unexpectedly pregnant at 21 and my sisters (and parents) are why I could still go to school, get a job, go hang out with friends, have a life, and also why my son had Christmas presents more than one Christmas when I wasn't working. I literally do not charge anyone for babysitting their *cats*, much less kids; I have a massive debt to pay back the universe for that kind of incredible luck. Honestly, my younger sisters could drop all accumulative five kids on me for a week without notice so they could party in Vegas and I'd have zero grounds to argue. They haven't, but they could and I'd just nod.)
(Note: I also splurge ridiculously on my nieces and nephews presents now though apparently the parents are still on the fence about the plethora of legos, robots, and Lincoln logs in their lives over the years.)
You're a very, very good sister. She sucks amazingly. From another oldest sister to a younger one: you're awesome.
You weren’t even asking for regular babysitting.
You were asking for ONE DAY. You’ve now learned your sister has a completely different perspective on how she views family. (And she has no problem taking advantage of a family member’s generosity, and will not extend the same courtesy.)
And wtf is this:
> I was young, therefore more patient, while she is almost 40s;
NTA what the actual fuck. Send her an invoice for the 13 years of babysitting at min wage for your age and the time and deduct the groceries if you feel like it. It may even be thousand. Cheeky cow.
Send her an invoice for 13 years of free babysitting, plus the cooking as an additional item on the invoice (she won't pay it but just to prove a point).
Copy in your mum and husband and anyone relevant.
"It has come to my attention I owe sister an apology. I asked her to babysit for a day and she asked for payment and I refused. I have considered it and now realise babysitting is a difficult job and payment is owed so I am happy to pay.
Further to my above confession of guilt, please see attached invoice for past unpaid babysitting. Payment is due by 30 June 2021."
NTA. Been in this situation. My partner babysat her niece and nephew for 4 years, somewhere between 3-5 days a week, 52 weeks a year. During working hours too. She and her brother work for their family business, and it was determined that her brother's choice to have kids was my partner's responsibility. She also helped out on the weekends, holidays, and basically any time they asked. She cancelled plans and put her life on hold to help them.
When she moved into her house, she asked her brother to help with moving. He told her to hire movers. She then asked if he could help paint the house. He painted one bathroom and did the edging for the other two bathrooms, and then asked for favours in return. When she and I moved to our house, we asked him to help us build some furniture. He built half a chair and then asked us to babysit in return.
When my partner babysat, she wasn't given so much as a frozen pizza, money for food, or money to take the kids out for activities. When she asked them to bring her coffee on the way home, they told her that she "shouldn't expect anything" for spending time with her niece and nephew. This was a full time job, and they have not given back ONCE.
I would stand SO firm on this. Your sister is the type to say it "takes a village," but then never give back to the village. If she was a pioneer, she would eat all the vegetables without farming her own to contribute. People like your sister are leeches. Don't ever do another favour for her.
NTA - but I would say stop babysitting for free from now on and demand payment.
NTA. Especially as a one off.
NTA id be mailing her an invoice for time worked...
NTA what a witch. I feel sorry for Luke to have that as a mom.
Send her a letter demanding payment for unpaid labour to date. With interest.
NTA. Send her a bill for the 13 years of "free" babysitting, with interest
NTA and what the hell ur sister is such an asshole. Next time she asks for help with anything respond with the same line, ‘ok but you have to pay me’ see how that goes
Your sister is an AH. One night is not 13 years. At least now you know where she stands.
I'm sorry your sister is like this.
Your sister used you.
If she can’t see reason and what’s fair- and still insist on payment, then hire someone else
NTA - I would offer your nephew paid babysitting as he’s probably more trustworthy and reliable than your sister.
NTA, Family comes first doesn't mean family doesn't get paid. Once you moved out, you definitely should have gotten paid, before that, would your parents have allowed payment?
Maybe she’s afraid of being left alone with a child, seeing as how you raised hers.
Send your sister a bill for the 13 years worth of babysitting you did. See how she likes it
NTA. Ask Luke to be your babysitter, and pay him for it. He's 17 now, right? Good age to need some picket money.
4 words. send her a bill.
NTA, but send her a bill for the time you sent babysitting.
NtA she just burned a bridge I hope she never needs to cross again.
In my opinion I'd just take the high road and move on. If she tries to bring it up again or justify her request I'd just tell her you won't be doing her any favors anymore so don't bother asking for anything.
I’m honestly kinda mind blown at how seflish your sister is. I do agree with potentially asking your nephew to do it (with payment) but make sure your sister doesn’t get hold of the money he’s earned.
NTA, your sister seems to have a superiority complex.
If it was me I would seriously **never speak to her again, or anyone still speaking to her.**
I CAN'T STAND UNGATEFUL PEOPLE.
You don't have a sister OP.
I'm very sorry.
You still have your nephew though
I would tell him what she did, but I'm petty
NTA But sometimes a relationship is not reciprocal. Now you know what to expect from your sister if you ever need help. I'd forget about it but register that fact and don't go out of your way to help her any more. In the end you have gained as you have the relationship with your nephew, a relationship that she will never have with your kids.
Op, please don't ask such selfish person to baby your kid. She may be your family but she definitely doesn't like to take care of your kid.
NTA. Other comments have posed the idea of asking her son to do it (and paying him) instead. Got a feeling he'll be nicer about it.
NTA. Your sister is disgustingly selfish.
Your sister is utterly selfish. Go low contact with her she is a shitty person
Yeah wow NTA. I babysat my niece once a week for years when I was younger and not only would my sister always provide dinner (and offer to pay) but a decade later still reminds me that she will happily babysit any kids I have in the future whenever I want (free)
Screw her man. If she had a valid reason to not babysit sure. But demanding payment? NTA and dont do stuff for her ever again honestly. F that noise
But to counteract some comments saying you should never talk to her again, I would consider that having a baby at 20 has maybe stunted her emotional growth?
If a woman in her 40s believes she has *less* patience then a teenager then she’s going backwards.
I think sometimes the most powerful thing is just to be really open and honest and say “I’m really hurt and disappointed that you won’t help me out without compensation, as you know I would absolutely do it for you as I love you”
Before people come for me, I’m only advising this with the optimism that you otherwise have a good relationship with your sister, and it is in this one regard that she is being incredibly selfish & unfair.
Family can show us their very worst sides but that doesn’t mean they’re not worth loving and/or having a relationship with.
That being said, this is a good opportunity to think on your relationship and if your sister does treat you well and bring positives to your life, (more than the negatives). If she doesn’t.....well then see ya.
Ask Luke to be your babysitter and put the money into an account just for him so his rude ass mama dont take it :( Sorry you had to deal with that though this would make me so sad x
Would Luke be up for babysitting, btw? Sounds like he might be a good kid?
NTA. Listen, I know in this sub we love to say "if you want people to watch your child, pay them" but even putting aside the fact that you graciously watched your sister's son regularly until he was 12 FOR FREE during what are supposed to be the "best years of your life" (a total crock but still, you missed out on a lot of normal teenage things to do her favors). Even putting that aside, she's your sister. This is her niece. You should be able to ask her to do you a favor every once in a while without her demanding payment (with the expectation that it's a two way street and you're there for each other when you're able to be). That is absolutely ridiculous!
If you were making her pay for the costs of childcare (like making her buy her own diapers) or insisting she watch your daughter at your house but telling her not to eat your food or some other ridiculous over-the-top request, sure I could understand her attitude. But your ask sounds reasonable between two sisters on good terms and it just sounds like she wants to be petty and selfish, which is unfortunate.
**NTA.** Your sister is come kind of selfish.
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My(32F) sister(37F) gave birth to my nephew Luke when she was 20 years old. It was an unexpected pregnancy and the father was married, so he didn't want any involvement his child. My parents and sister had to go to work so I was responsible to babysit Luke. It was never a burden, I have always loved kids and love my nephew dearly. So, for years i babysitted every week, to the point that Luke calls me his second mother nowadays. Only when he was 12 my sister decided he was old enough to take care of himself so I stopped the babysitting.
Now I have a child (2F). Me and my husband having been very busy lately and stressful with work, so we decided to take a day off. I asked sis if she could babysit my daughter while we were off. She said ok, but I would need to pay her.
I was very confused, even thought this was a joke but she was dead serious. I asked her about the time that I spent 13 years of my life babysitting her son for free since I was a teenager and she enumerated the reasons of why she is demanding payment:
• I was young, therefore more patient, while she is almost 40s;
• I have never complained and she didn't oblidge me to babysit;
• She always brought gifts to me, so she considered this a payment.
I was like what the hell??? I replied that sometimes she didn't even ASK me if I could take care of Luke, she just left me alone with him and only came back hours later. The "payment" was only some groceries, nothing expensive. And the babysitting also involved cooking, doctor appointments etc. I had to postpone a lot of plans too, because "family comes first".
She responded "Ok. Go find someone else, then" and hanged up.
I don't know if i am being TA because I didn't demand payment at the time.
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I offered money and my family still said no. They don’t call or visit.
This behaviour they have demonstrated towards you is likely to have existed in other ways, though you may not have noticed, as I didn’t.
I helped babysit, clean house and different things, none of which I minded and never thought I’d have a kid, and when I did, well, the betrayal was enough to open my eyes and no longer ignore the bs I put up with over the years.
No one talks to me, and no one helps. I’m exhausted and lucky to have a good daycare and neighbours. Looking for a babysitter.
Moral of the story, if you were my sister I’d 100% babysit for you, but if you could pick up a milk, pack of smokes and some Ben and jerries for me, you can leave kiddo there for whole weekend, I’d probably ask if it was ok to go for a nature walk somewhere close by, just leave pram and car seat etc.
More so, I’m really happy because this shows you love and trust me as much as I love and trust you, and I understand how tough it can be.
Because that’s what loving family does.
NTA, I babysit my nephew for free all the damn time, because... I like him. In general I wouldn't expect everyone to feel the way I do and be willing to babysit for free without expecting anything, but that's not what's happening here- you were expected to give up half your teen years to babysit and now you're asking for one favor years later. L
NTA. OP, your sister sucks.
NTA. Send her a bill for all those years of babysitting
So you would’ve been 14-15 years when your sister had her son, and you watched him for 13 years.. if my math is correct that would’ve meant till you were 27-28?? In what world is that “young” enough to where you don’t deserve payment of any kind?
The audacity she has to believe that it was totally fair for you to watch her son for years and years but it’s somehow crazy for you to ask her for one night?