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23f virgin and don't like anybody

23f virgin and don't like anybody

VeryFarFarAway

There's nothing wrong with you at all! Very many people experience the same phenomenon. There is actually a whole sexuality, demisexual, where people can't develop sexula feelings towards anyone unless they have an emotional connection to them. Of course I'm no therapist, and I don't know you but it may be an explanation.


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VeryFarFarAway

It is incredibly frustrating I can definitely sympathize. Have you tried dating any dating apps?


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VeryFarFarAway

I can absolutely relate, I feel the same way! Maybe you could try to broaden your horizons? Maybe go to a new bar in a new city? Join a volunteering community. Not only will you meet more people you may find new hobbies and things to distract yourself.


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VeryFarFarAway

Don't be angry at yourself, just be angry at the world. It's okay, that's what the internet can be for


test123456plz

Wow...I've felt this for a long time and had no clue there was a term for it. This makes me feel a lot better!


VeryFarFarAway

I'm glad! You are completely valid and wonderful, don't forget that.


Ac123456789101112

Sometimes the best way to find something is to stop looking


metalheadplanner

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. SO many people feel this way! When the right person comes around, you'll just know. It may take a while, but it will be so worth it. I didn't find the right person until I was around your age, and I am SO glad I waited.


neutralevilbae

There’s nothing wrong with you at all! I’m sort of in a similar situation. I’m 22F (will be 23 in a few months) and I’ve only slept with 2 people, which I don’t exactly regret, but if I went back I probably would do things differently because I didn’t feel a strong connection with either person, and was sort of doing it just because I felt like the people around me were having sex and I should be too. I wish I could tell my younger self that it’s 100% fine to not want to have sex, and you definitely should not force it if there is no one you want to have sex with. Because of that the experiences weren’t that great for me, and I was kind of let down that I didn’t feel anything more. Our culture and the media glamorizes sex, and often shows people having sex at very young ages. Although this might be good for sex positivity, it spreads a message that everyone wants to have sex and should be having sex, and that is the norm. The truth is there are lots of people like you and me who just have a harder time than most finding someone that we can really resonate with. Try to think about what you find attractive in a person, both physically and emotionally. Maybe there is someone in the past you were attracted to, or a celebrity you find attractive in a sexual way. Think about what made you attracted to them, it will help you figure out your preferences. If your goal is to find someone that you find attractive in a sexual way, the best thing to do is try to start dating and put yourself out there, but make a resolution to yourself that you are only going to sleep with someone if you find a genuine connection with them and are attractive to them. These are definitely things you can talk about with your therapist too, they might be helpful. It’s completely reasonable to not wanna have sex with someone you don’t know very well. That’s a feeling I can very much relate too. For me, I’ve found that familiarity very much breeds attraction. There are people who I was not attracted to at first, but after I started to hang out with them regularly and we talked about our hobbies and interests, I started to feel more attracted to them, although this did take some time. Don’t feel bad that you are not immediately attracted to someone. Some people feel attraction immediately, but it is completely normal for attraction to take a while to develop. Personally, I feel like it is a blessing in some ways to be wired this way, because you will likely have a much more intimate and emotional connection to the person you are sleeping with, and you will likely know them better and be able to weed out the crazies. You’ll also have a better chance of forming a connection that can lead to a healthy relationship, if that is something you want. Also it might be helpful to do some research about Demisexuality. It’s a sexuality where basically you need a strong emotional bond to be able to feel sexually attracted to someone. I’m not saying that this is your identity, but judging from your post it sounds like a possibility. Even if you are not, a lot of demisexuals have similar experiences to you, and may be able to offer good advice. There is nothing wrong with you! This is just a part of yourself that you have yet to explore, and there is no rush! There are many many people who have similar feelings about sex, and it is completely normal! The best thing to do is be honest with yourself and communicate this to potential partners. Good luck, I hope you are able to find somebody although it will likely take time!


papersucculent6

There is literally NOTHING wrong with you. In fact, there is so much RIGHT with you. You are staying true to yourself and maintaining your standards. That puts you ahead of most of your age group. Anyone who makes you feel self conscious is insecure and threatened by you.


Zealousideal_Ad_7447

I do relate to this Im 19M gay however. But find peace in that theres such a social pressure to loose your virginity but your smarter than everyone by waiting for the person you want that to happen with thats all it is. I always have said I don't think I could ever just have sex with a random stranger Id want to be friends with that person with no expectations of it being anything else until I want it to be something else. Find what you want and start demanding that and if someone wont honor your style then move on. And at the end of the day who said its a bad thing, Don't feel pressured.


Halceon441

You might be asexual or demisexual. It's common but many don't share that part. Having no sex is better then having meaningless sex. You will find your prince charming.


refugefirstmate

Absolutely nothing. You're perfectly normal. Nowadays they pathologize this as "demisexuality" but in previous generations the *expectation* was that you would form a committed monogamous relationship with someone and *then* have sex as a natural extension of the romantic relationship.


masterofyourhouse

A sexuality is not a "pathology". And in generations past, you were expected to marry a stranger and have sex on your wedding night, before a romantic relationship even had a chance to be formed.


refugefirstmate

>A sexuality is not a "pathology". Giving some normal behavior a *name* is indeed pathologizing it. It's ignoring that it's perfectly normal and natural. > you were expected to marry a stranger Where are you - Pakistan? Because that's untrue of any Western culture I know of, back as far as the 17th century in my English/German/Polish family. You married a guy from your village that you grew up with, or a distant cousin, or somebody you fell in love with on the boat coming over here. In the West, arranged marriages were only for the very wealthy/powerful. The hoi polloi just wed whom they chose.


masterofyourhouse

Are you arguing that being gay or lesbian is not normal and natural? Because that's the logical conclusion of what you're saying. Also, moving your legs in a coordinated fashion to produce a controlled fall that propels you forward is a normal behaviour that has a name - walking. Nothing pathologizing about that. Words don't inherently pathologize anything. Is having multiple words for different shades of blue "pathologizing" the colour? Should we throw aqua, ultramarine, and cerulean out the window? And as for arranged marriages, you do realize that globally speaking the West is a minority, right? Together, just South Asia and the Middle East (both regions with a history of arranged marriages) make up a population that's more than twice as large as the entirety of Europe.


refugefirstmate

>Are you arguing that being gay or lesbian is not normal and natural? Because that's the logical conclusion of what you're saying. Oh ffs. Get down off the soapbox, stop waving your fist, calm yourself, and read the words I've typed rather than listening to the voices in your head. "Norm" and "normal" in this context are not the moral judgments you desperately want them to be. They're words describing *what most people did*. >you do realize that globally speaking the West is a minority, right? Globally yes. On Reddit, Americans, and Westerners generally are an overwhelming majority.


masterofyourhouse

I am calm, and I'm not soapboxing, I'm literally just telling you the natural conclusion of your words. But sure, let's go ahead and take "normal" to simply describe what most people do. Again, you're not addressing my second point, which is essentially that, according to you, no normal behaviour should have a name for it, since giving a normal behaviour a name is pathologizing it. What do Reddit's demographics have to do with any of this? If we're being objective about the issue, then we want to look at it from the standpoint of the entire human experience, not just what a subculture on the internet does.


refugefirstmate

>my second point, which is essentially that, according to you, no normal behaviour should have a name for it No, I'm saying that *normal* behavior shouldn't be categorized as one tiny behavioral subset. You're just being silly in an attempt to score some sort of political points in your own imagination.


masterofyourhouse

I'm not trying to score "political points", I'm trying to see why you're so upset over the existence of a word because it supposedly "pathologizes" normal behaviour.


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CorgiKnits

You might be asexual or demisexual. It took me until I was in my early 30s to figure this out about myself.


StnMtn_

You could be demisexual. r/demisexuality. Just keep making friends. Try to connect with people on a deeper level.


greengiant1101

I’d also recommend r/aromantic and r/asexuality !! The latter actually has a really good set of articles listed under the subreddit info that might help you OP


StnMtn_

Good suggestion. I jumped the gun trying to peg OP's sexuality, when the opening post was not thorough enough to definitively determine that.


Rene_Reyez

When did this start? Were u always like this? Did this start after a romantic relationship ended?


AdrielBast

I suggest looking into asexuality? I’m not trying to say that’s what you are, but a lack of sexual attraction to people is a central point of what asexuality is. (Having sexual urges isn’t the same as being attracted sexually to ppl, lots of aces have a libido/ are sex positive, just to clear up a common misconception). But the most important part is to understand that there is *nothing wrong with you.* you aren’t attracted to ppl and that is normal.


kaylla21

You may want to look into Demisexual


driftveilcity69

I have no advice since I am sorta in the same boat, (even if I like an anime girl) but maybe someday you'll find someone


Arr0ww0lf

It’s fine :) I’m 21, never had a first kiss let alone sex lol.


wozmatic

you're probably just too picky and want someone prefect for your first time. nobody's perfect though, only perfect for you wait all you want, nobody's forcing you to have sex dude


Apprehensive-Toe-706

There’s nothing wrong with not sleeping with someone you don’t like. I am the same way. I grew up with lots of friends who just be doing it all over the place and I thought I was abnormal so I eventually gave in. Lost my v card and regret it to this day.:/ Someday I know someone has probably told you this before but when you stop looking you run into that person who you will wanna do it. Don’t hate yourself 💜


hyrle

Nothing wrong with you. It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do. Not many people will resonate with you and make you feel the way you're expecting. Some people say it's only "the one", but yeah - it's rare.


jean_ivyyy

Saying, "I go to therapy", is such a big flex. 🥺


ThrowRAavocado

I feel like I tread the line of asexual/demisexual, but when I met someone I was compatible with I was really into the sexual aspect of the relationship. I don't think it's uncommon to only want to have sex with someone you trust and feel close to. Just wait until you find the right person, and you'll just know it.


Proud_morad

Nothing wrong with you just don't put it on your mind because if you do you will be stuck get to know people and see where you go from there virginity is not a burden so don't rush it because you may regret. Best wishes.


differentlifer

19F here and I have the exact same issue! The thought being physical with just anyone grosses me out unless I REALLY REALLY like them. I can't even imagine doing something like that with anyone, even though I talk about sex so often. I've never really viewed it as a problem though :) we're both still young there are tons of guys out there dw


rolo951

Google asexual


LordStark_01

Well at least you're not in the position that you can't find anybody. You can take that as a win.


Lil-Tercio

I’m actually in this exact situation and will scour the comments for the answer.


[deleted]

I don't think anything is wrong with you but I do think that you have an over reliance on media these days that make a perception of what you need or desire unchecked. I would likely suggest that you focus on the people at hand as opposed to the attractiveness of the person at hand. I think it's good that you don;t want to do it with just anybody. But a lot of the times, when yhou're doing it, it's because you're close to somebody. Are you able to form close knit friendships with guys? You should try that and give an opportunity to maybe expand how that might possibly change your feelings. Look less on the physical attractiveness and look more to fulfillment of feelings.


Sexy_milky

1. There's nothing wrong with you 2. Some people only have sexual attraction if they have romantic attraction, maybe you are one of them Are you aromantic? Maybe that's the cause


Nyx_284

This isn’t weird at all. I’m in the exact same boat as you. Sadly I’ve actually had people make fun of me for it. For me I’m just Demisexual…which for me means, that I have to have a strong connection with them to want to be sexual. I haven’t found that person yet. I guess for me it’s I want to be with just one person. I don’t want a bunch of other people to see my body. I want a real connection with just one person that I’m going to be with forever. Just like there’s nothing wrong with people who do choose to be sexually active, there’s nothing wrong with people who choose not to. People that shame you for it are just assholes who are victims of a overly sexual society. Don’t feel ashamed, being a virgin doesn’t define you. It’s such a stupid thing for people to get hooked up on and in reality it’s really none of the fucking business. It’s your body!


DgTheBeast

Hey, it doesn't matter if you have a bf or not, of course you shouldn't be with someone you don't like. If you don't like anyone, do you mean any man, or anyone at all? There is the possibility that you are homosexual and you don't know it. If you find females attractive, feel free to express it (to them, personally, you don't need to post online anything 🤷‍♂️) If you realize that it is not the case, feel free to search for people you might potentially be interested in. Otherwise, you might just be asexual, you don't really want any relations with anybody else (idk if that is 100% sure that this is what asexual means, but don't stick on the word). In that case feel free to stay to yourself, it is okay to not have a romantic partner. In any case, if you meet someone you really like , you will feel your heart beat faster, your mind will think "this is the one". Our brains are made to think about having a wife/husband and perhaps kids, so it is normal you will think these thoughts. I hope you find who you are looking for..


Phaylevyce

if you have a good job, go see a therapist. this is not the place at ALL for this kind of advice. "23f can't have sex because i don't like people" you can not expect a meaningful or helpful response from reddit on this topic lol